Andrews Adventures (part II)

010 ¿Habla inglés?

2007-12-22T16:36:00.000-08:00

James left Newcastle and I did the same heading further north to Edinburgh, another fantastic town, minus the weather and the lack of light outside.

I spotted a big hill behind the town and immediately set off to climb it. I got to where the normal people go but wasn't satisfied with having rocks still above me. After one lame attempt I decided I was too close to home to risk it on the slippery wet rocks.

I didn't want to end up here...

So I settled for this view of Edinburgh, which really should be spelled Ed-in-bra.

After that I needed a 'hearty' meal, but since there were none available I chose a 'livery' meal instead, taking my first taste of haggis. The haggis was tasty, the whiskey sauce good, but the best thing was that I got it all for half price!

Unfortunately there were no half price kilts. The set on the right roughly $1500 AUD

Soon word got out to the Government offices that a foreigner had gotten Scotland's signature dish for half price. This created all sorts of controversy

So I took one last snap and stopped at a Chinese buffet to down as much food as 25 minutes would allow before returning to Newcastle to fly out of the UK until the heat died down.

All plans of earning money teaching brats from the UK went out the plane window which was soon filled with a view of Spain. The airport was negotiated successfully but problems soon came up when I failed to grab a map from the main train station.

I spent the next 3 hours in search of a backpackers asking passers by if they knew of one. "Donde esta Juventud Hostal", I still remember how to say it! But what I also remember is that everyone I asked would give me directions to a Hotel. Even after I got hold of a map the hostel I was told about cost more the hotel I had just come from. I decided to make the 'trip' back.

On my way back I passed down some dodgy streets, any light from the sun now truly gone. Those streets proved less of a problem than lifting my legs to step over a gutter. The fatigue caught up with me and sent me head first onto the road. With my arms to weak to break the force of a full pack, my face and nose decided to help out. You could say Spain made an immediate impression on me!

The next day I took my bloodied head around in the daylight and finally found a reasonably priced backpackers for 18Euro a night. I dropped my junk there and then headed for Park Guell, one of Antoni Gaudi's many artistic feats. On the way there I noticed that some parts of Barcelona are attempting to take both people and laziness a new level.

The park was full of weird and wonderful things.

Apparently I was one of the weird ones, as school children stared at me while shouting things in Spanish.

It was only fair that I stare back and scout their silky soccer skills as well as noticing their cool green uniforms. I think I just liked being around a school setting.

I moved on from there and saw some more cool stuff and have only just noticed that the sculpture in the bottom right of this photo shows up again later, (see if you notice where)
Gaudi's influence on Barcelona was clear.

Now for finance with $ally The dollar has experienced major fluctuations throughout Europe with the massive variation set to effect China before stabilizing in Australia. As for the companies "Hygeine" remains steady with its showers department around 25%. "Stomach" is doing quite well despite rising concerns over the development of competing company "Gelato". "Bag weight" has experienced a drastic drop as James C Packer has taken control of over 50% of the corporation. Cigarette companies continue to take advantage of upward trends but are expected to return to normal by around Christmas day. Confusion also remains high "Cheap Planes" continue to soar as do companies "Husqvarna" and "Stihl". "Dirty Clothing" continues to pile up interested investors while "mountain" shares have fallen from their peak in late August, however global franchise "Beggars" has made an enormous comeback after the installation of many new departments. With it "Guilt" is set to rise, but sadly not for those who invest! Shareholders are waiting to see what comes of "Umbrellaz" market 'de-saturation' program, while "Cheap Christmas Presents" is looking at massive returns although conservative investors are quick to point out what they are terming "huge risks" Finances are slowly drying up for "Cathedral" which will also effect offshoot companies such as "Stained Glass Inc". "Europe on a shoestring" has gone bust while rival company "Europe on a piece of dental floss" takes up the slack. Finally "Washing machines" have taken out their coin operated division as they have failed to receive sufficient funding. In fact this division has not received one single investment throughout 2007. And that's finance news for today.

After that I spotted Hansel and Grettle trying to eat their way out of these houses. I dobbed them in and while the witch was throwing them in the oven I stole a Snickers brick.

Which I sat down and ate right around here.

That sugar hit was enough to keep me going till dinner which was a cheap Chinese buffet.

The next day I felt bad for stealing that Snickers and thought about returning what I could of it! I thought it was a better idea to go to church and repent, so I found this one called Sagrada Familia.

The stories behind them were the same, but this church had sculptures quite unlike anything I had seen before.

Their chiseled edges and lack of detail was something I had never come across.

Perhaps they could call it Sagrada Unfamilia!

Then again, like all the famous churches it had big crowds and beautiful stained glass windows.

But the big crowd all turned out to be seripmav's who are scared of the dark and only come out in the day, leaving me by myself to appreciate the genius of Gaudi and enjoy the beautiful view of Barcelona.

Beating the rush

If you want to beat the masses carry a pointy stick and a whip...but seriously, if you are heading out and about and want to avoid the crowds follow these simple suggestions.

1) Don't be afraid to wander, explore! Don't just visit all the highlights on the map
2) If you can bear missing out on peak season do it
3) Go really early or stay really late, do not go in the middle of the day
4) Take a hike! The more walking you do the less likely you are to run into people.

Which i took my time in doing

Before heading down the spiral staircase alone and back to the hostel for the night.

I soon realised that Sagrada Familia had stolen their designs from a community of snails. The word 'Familia' was just a very cheap way of getting out of copyright issues.

When the snails design was robbed they decided to try out for the Barcelona Olympics

But by the time they got to the stadium, 2007 was coming to an end. Over fifteen years late, all that was left were a handful of tourists. When I heard their story I felt sorry for them.

So I decided to cheer them up by inviting them to a soccer match, they still had to pay of course!

The only 'shouting' I did was at traitor, Tierry Henry, who did nothing but fall over and cry as Barcelona beat relegation battlers Recrativo 3-0.

After that the snails felt better but when they saw this sign they nearly threw up. I could hardly believe it, giant food service company Sodexho had infiltrated Spains borders, no longer restricted to American dining halls.

This was too much to handle so we decided to take a rocket to the moon to get away from all this craziness. I got there early the next day and waited for my new snail friends.

But by the time they got there it was dark and the rocket was fired up and ready to launch.

I got the snails to take a photo of me counting down to lift off. The rocket launched safely and we all celebrated at a Chinese buffet. After that we walked round the main street and saw people trying to rip others off with a familiar little game.

Refusing to fall prey a second time, I stood back and declined all offers to play while pointing out the person who was "winning" hadn't laid out any money! The pressure got too much, the game was packed up. The facade was soon exposed when I spotted the "players" down a side street being paid off.

If that wasn't playing with enough fire I got lost again late one night when I forget the address of my backpackers. I stumbled upon a street fight which I joined someone else in trying to break up with two Spanish words. "Alto" (Stop) and "Por Favor" (Please).

We separated the two for a moment but I think they went down a backstreet and fought anyway. It was pretty scary having no idea what they were saying and I was much less brave than the other guy.

The next day I took the snails to the waterfront where I treated them to some typical Spanish things.

Balconies with washing hanging from them

Scooters, lots of Scooters.

And mullets, delicious mullets, which haven't been fished to extinction in Spain.

Finally there were these guys, who were selling stolen goods. But, just to make sure i hadn't jumped to the wrong conclusions Sammy snail suggested we watch and wait, Suzie snail agreed. I was also curious to see whether their preplanned rope tying would pay off. We waited.

Any sign of police set these guys on edge but when they were least expecting it two men ran in and overturned one of the mats. They scattered like pigeons, taking most of the goods with them and looking back momentarily before leaving the area. The two men, presumably undercover police, (or gutsy criminals) gathered the goods and left.

Sammy was energized by what he'd just seen so we took a walk up a hill.

The enthusiasm had worn off by about the 3rd stair but I refused to carry any of them.

Oh the complaints. I nearly stepped on Suzie, I was getting that sick of her. Simon snail wasn't much better.

After spending all this time together I couldn't just leave the snails in Barcelona so I took them with me to Girona, the next stop on my way up to France. When we got there I tricked them into thinking this pretty road was a picture of their ancient ancestor Phyllis Withlies.

The sun was out for a perfect day. Girona was such a lovely town that we all made up a song, "ma ma ma my Girona." The snails thought it could be a hit someday, I didn't think so.

We went for a weeks worth of walks while we worried, wondering about wandering Williams whereabouts.

We found him on another bridge later that day practicing his alliteration.

The next day I snuck into a university to try and find a computer that would burn me a CD. My attempt failed as the computers needed a student ID and password I didn't have. I figured I wouldn't take many more photos before heading for a friends house in France who was bound to have a computer.

But later that evening while hanging out on the cities old fortifications I was proved wrong.

Very wrong.

I frantically deleted anything I could spare and filled the camera with so many photos of this sunset even I could hardly believe. I was simply overwhelmed by the beauty of it all. The snails and I just stood in awe for the longest time, thankful to God for the greatest sunset ever. My camera could only capture a few half decent pictures (click on them to enlarge) but the experience will be captured in my memory forever.

Girona was such a great town I decided the snails would enjoy living there. They asked me why I couldn't stay with them so I told them of my plans to go to Paris then Rome and soon enough back home. Before we parted ways they gave me a 'snail' award, Sensitive New Age Individual Lorimer. I gave them a rock in return.

The next day I took the bus to Montpellier to visit my friend Laetitia. I arrived to a warm welcome which was as far as my French skills could take me. Then we sat down for a brilliant french meal which involved cute little frypans, melted cheese, baguettes and forbidden meat.

The effects from the blow to my head caught up with me and I conveniently forgot I was vegetarian for the next few days, while the hospitality was lavished on me.

The next day Laetita took me into town, got me a map and taught me a new word before heading off to a meeting. I was so eager to use this new word "si vous plei" (please) that I replaced "merci" (thankyou) with it. Good thing Laetitia was still around to bail me out as I "please'd" the tourist information desk for their free map!

Montpellier was nice, they even threw in a protest for me to spice things up. Police came prepared with riot gear which I wanted a photo of. Not knowing how to ask I had to pretend I was taking a photo of the sunset in the background. The officer doesn't look to amused!

Eventually I did get a real photo of that sunset and because the one from a few nights ago was still etched in my memory I attempted to make this one look even better by being artistic.

After hanging out inside the house and forming a slight addiction to 'Age of Kings', Laetitia decided to get me out of the house by driving to Navacelle, a beautiful French town nestled at the base of some mountains where a river used to flow.

There we went on a hike where I conquered the mighty sphinx and was made King of France.

Once we returned from the hike I inspectigated my new land. This town could have taken minutes to pass through but since it was extremely pretty it took quite a bit longer.

Set in the absolute middle of nowhere, its quiet, charming buildings would be the perfect site to bulldoze to establish my new Kingdom.

We drove back up the mountain and took one more look at the site of my future palace.

This old windmill would have to go too, all in the name of progress.

The inspectigation continued as I said goodbye to Laetitia and headed to Paris to see what was on offer.

Not much in the way of parking

Or in the way of food! Paris, of all places.

I decided this powerful Sodexho beast was a threat to my kingdom and for the next few days I lived almost entirely off Baguettes refusing to support their reign of terror. Alright, the fact is they were cheap, tasty and... cheap! Just like the backpackers I stayed at which I was told had a rat in the kitchen however it was already nasty before I heard about that.

Speaking of heard, the next day a Catholic priest got wind of how much bread I'd recently consumed and decided to deny me communion. I wasn't all that impressed about this, having sat through an entire service in French and then being disqualified from the one part I actually understood!! (More on that in the next Spiritual update)

Soon the hunger struck, but I was unwilling to succumb to Sodexho to satisfy my stomach. I rationed out my last baguette and came up with a plan to earn some quick money.

I headed to the Louvre.

So much to steal but I wasn't going to be distracted by anything less than priceless. I followed my ears to the Moaner and snuck up to do the deed. While sneaking around I overhearing two men discussing . "It can't be done" said the doubter on the left. The one on the right cocked his head and chuckled "yeah, you'd have to be crazy" he replied, as he took his last ever look at the famous painting.

"Are you serious" they said in unison as the painting was lifted right in front of their eyes. The alarm system sounded, and very soon the Louvre was crawling with security guards.

"King Andrew, over here" a young Sphinx whispered. I hurried over and listened while he told me about a secret passageway and gave me some advice... and get a haircut" were the last words I heard as I escaped through the underground tunnel.

Apart from a few stained glass windows it was a very dark tunnel. Each of the windows provided me with cryptic clues on how to get out. I rang Robert Langdon and asked him for some tips but he was busy being chased by an Albino monk.

While in the tunnel I stumbled upon the remains of Mary Magdalene, solved a dozen cryptex' and met Leonardo DaVinci himself, who asked me what I was doing with his painting. I said "finders keepers, losers weepers" and offered him a Holy Grail I found on the tunnel floor. He accepted my offer and then showed me the way to the Eiffel tower, "the symbol for masculine" he told me.

I walked casually through the streets looking for an internet cafe to put this newly acquired picture on eBay. Instead of an internet cafe I ran into my snail friends. "We've been looking for you everywhere, we missed you" they said as they gave me a hug and a massive amount money as a gift.

Just then I saw the police coming and said "well, I got this for all of you" and handed the painting to Nigel, my least favorite snail. I put it on his back and told him to take it somewhere safe while the rest of us took turns at seeing if we could be more masculine than the Eiffel tower. We waited a few hours and when Nigel didn't return we went to a shop to get the latest news headlines.

The magazine we bought was no use, but it did help explain the self esteem problem rampant in France. Look closely.

After this I suggested we go to Notre Dame Cathedral to look. On our way there we spotted Nigel in the back of a police car headed for jail. He looked mad as he repeatedly pointed to the outside of the stolen painting. "Framed", the message I hoped none of the others understood.

From that moment on their "A"ttitude toward me changed, which the Eiffel tower clearly 'pointed' out.

I invited the remaining 12 out for a meal that night. I knew they were planning on dobbing me in but I got in first, ordering 'Escargot' off the extensive menu. One by one my small little friends disappeared into the kitchen, later returning on a plate accompanied by Baguettes and garlic. Deeeeelicious, betrayal has never tasted so good.

With them out of the way I was free to tour the remainder of Paris. Next stop Sacre Coeur, where I'm sure I saw the same group of beggars outside the Eiffel tower a day earlier.

When they asked if I spoke English I just ignored them. Dave a guy who was with me answered "no", which implies that he at least understood that sentence. Perhaps a more effective reply would be "No, I most certainly do not speak English!"

While all the begging stuff was beginning to frustrate me I couldn't be frustrated by the magnificent building that was in front of me. I did some climbing to take a few photos and then it was time to leave for Beauvais where my next flight was from.

They beg to eat we beg to differ

A month ago we sent undercover reporters all over Europe to check out the begging scene. Here are some of the findings from our reporter Gary

Thankyou Tony. The begging scene, are you being short changed? After our extensive research the most likely answer is ‘yes’. Begging works mostly by appealing to guilt or a sense of obligation all humans apparently have. The tactics vary but the point is the same. Produce a feeling, get some money.

There are various ways people choose to do this, waving around deformed limbs, exaggerating disabilities, holding up photos of your children who need food, even if their skin colour differs greatly, sending those children to do the work for you, hitting up high traffic areas. One reporter is convinced he spotted the same group of beggars at the Eiffel Tower one day and Sacre Coeur the next. Some even look after homeless cats.

One unusual trick which insiders call “Finger string, chit ching” involves someone asking you to put your finger through a loop in a piece of string which is then tightened around your finger. If you are too slow in removing it 'BAM' you are asked for some local currency to cover the cost of this worthless string. One report confirms someone being stung for 7 Euros.

By far the most successful tactic was the age old train ticket trick. One of our reporters fell for this one but remained at a distance while he spied the girl approaching 10 others at about a 50% success rate. This reporter has now left his job and taken up a new career!

Again I made it to this far smaller and far less recognized town, yet I loved it. After finding out there were no backpackers in town and deciding 26Euros was too much to spend on a hotel, I went for a wander. I passed this monster Cathedral on the way, which was completely empty except for a few construction workers fixing the inside.

Which looked like this.

I had this beautiful church all to myself. This allowed for the luxury of dropping my pack while I had a look around.

I spent a while taking photos and films before heading back to my pack which I thought may be looking suspiciously like an abandoned bomb. After grabbing my pack again I settled for spending the 26Euros on the hotel which had no rooms left by the time I got there. The next best offer was 40. Tonight I was going it homeless!

I emptied my pack and covered myself with as much clothing as I could find, then went in search for a nice place to spend the night. I got into the homeless mentality immediately and started seeing everywhere as a potential place to sleep. After a fairly long search I locked my pack against a fence down the side alley of a church and went for a walk.

I wandered around the town for a while and met another begging drifter who couldn't speak much more English than I could French. I think he invited me back to his sisters house to spend the night which I would have done if it weren't for my locked up bag. I tried to explain I needed to get it before I could come with him but he didn't understand, so later that night I ended up in my little alley behind the church pretty happy with myself and the great spot I'd chosen.

My mat had just been laid out when I noticed a flashlight pointing down the alley. I was hidden behind one of the juts of the church but I thought it might be a police officer so I said "Bonjour", "I'm coming out". I couldn't tell what they were saying but I guess it was something along the lines of "come out please". I grabbed my stuff and jumped the fence to see a frail old woman with a flashlight in hand. Her husband was watching from the safety of their 3rd floor apartment next door calling out something like "is everything alright" as I emerged from the alley. "Bonjour" and "au revoir" was all I understood from the courageous old woman as I left both her and her gutless husband in peace.

So being homeless wasn't that easy after all. I decided it might be easier to head out of town to the airport for some free accommodation. I got on the bus and met an American who had missed his flight out and was possibly going to be homeless that night too. I waited for him in the airport until it was confirmed that I had a homeless buddy for the night.

After that we stumbled upon another of his friends who had missed a different flight. He was talking to a girl from Rome who had also done the same thing and our party of two quickly became four.

The airport closed at 11pm and we were booted out into the cold with 1 thermarest and 2 sleeping bags between the four of us. The bottle of wine I bought earlier that night came in handy as we talked our way into the wee hours. The two on the inside drifted to sleep

Leaving me and Nick to wander around the corner and say g'day to the other group of four spending the night at the airport. They had a guitar which was shared between those who could play it and we had a group singalong. My request for "In the Jungle" was honored and I went to bed a very happy man, very cold but very happy.

The next day I took my flight to Rome and made the same mistake of not getting a map of the town before setting out in search of a backpackers. After nearly an hour of walking, being reminded of my experience in Barcelona I thought it would be best to find a hostel online. Even after getting an address and directions it still proved hard. This yellow building wasn't much of a giveaway as a hostel!

There was a whole bunch to see in Rome but it was a very dirty city. This street typical.

This made me pretty mad because I thought with all the tourist attractions they would at least spend a little time cleaning the place up. Nope.

At least the clouds were nice.

But the rest of the city looked like rubble. I guess thats bound to happen after all that has gone on here, which I heard about compliments of a "free guide".

Stealing guidance

Concern has been raised about tight tourists who are taking advantage of experienced guides by listening in on their tours while pretending to take photos of nearby locations. The less clever of these tourists stray too closely and make a run at the end. The wiser choose to linger at a distance here and there.

Guides are devising new strategies to make themselves less susceptible to this sort of thing. There will be a conference held in early 2008 to discuss this issue.

I made a friend "Mick" from Australia who wandered around with me seeing the sights.

He was also appalled at the state of the city.

There were a few nice things.

But for the most part it was broken rubble

Debris and ruins

I decided to go see the Pope about this and about the litter problem. There were alot of people with complaints!

We rode the wave of people past golden roofs covered with paintings.

Far too much to take in while being trapped inside a moving mosh pit.

Eventually the mosh pit came to a halt inside the Sistine Chapel. Any spiritual experience was ruined by the constant requests of powerless security guards who insisted people remain quiet and don't take photos. One of them completely lost it and started screaming "No photo, quiet, no photo, no photo, NO PHOTO". An awkward silence followed and within 5 seconds I spotted someone filming the roof.

The outburst was quite funny but I felt sorry for the guards. Given an impossible task and absolutely no power to complete it. Perhaps if they were able to confiscate cameras more people would listen. Even if they succeed in their job I can't imagine them gaining much satisfaction or coming home and to their wife and telling her "Guess what honey, I stopped everyone taking photos today". So even though I completely disagreed with the dumb rule I was good and took the above photo of a replica being sold outside the chapel.

Once outside the chapel I came across my favorite painting of all, it's about the last judgment. I think the images within paint their own picture, even though I no longer take them so literally.

I liked the painting so much that I got distracted and missed the pope.

I ran up the stairs to the top of St Paul's Cathedral to see if he was there.

All I saw were crowds of people, a dome and a hazy view of Rome

We got tired of searching so we stopped at a restaurant for some genuine Italian pasta which turned out to be quite disappointing. I figured I'd seen enough of Rome so I said goodbye to Mick and took the train to pizza hoping it would taste better.

After I got off the train a man named James spotted a Canadian flag sewn onto my pack and came over to talk to me, together we searched for a backpackers. On our way we came across this big tower of pizza and I took a bite out of it, but it didn't taste good at all. That made me mad, so I kicked it as hard as I could. Now it leans to one side.

After I calmed down James told me we should probably find somewhere to sleep. We eventually agreed on a hotel that worked out being 24 Euros each. With our bags gone it was time to hit the town in search of some quality pizza.

Not only did we find that, we found some delicious pasta as well. The three words I love most when shopping for my stomach were all taken care of here. Big, tasty and cheap! At 3.6o the pizza was so cheap and so huge that I called the waiter over just to make sure. Not overcrowded with toppings, but definitely the best pizza I have ever eaten.

I continued supporting the local economy through my pizza and gelato habit. Coming from Rome where two scoops was 3.50 to Pisa where four scoops was 2.50, how was a person like me supposed to resist??

Small town, Big rating

Every time I arrive in a small European town I fall I love. Pisa was a great example of this. The lack of hustle bustle, the smiling faces, the friendly people, the local quirks. It seems big towns sacrifice all of this for efficiency, or something like it. Get the job done, be efficient, don't let others waste your time. In large cities there are so many more people to be fed, served, transported and taken care of that time which may have been dedicated to 'customer service' or 'having a chat' is used up by necessity.

Somehow I am always sucked back into the big cities even though I enjoy the little towns far more. Is it the sights? Or maybe that there's more to do? I don't know but i do know that every single small town has proved itself.

After some dramas transferring photos from the camera to a CD we went in search of a memory stick. The rain came down hard confirming the fact my 'waterproof' jacket needs a new name. The free umbrella I picked up wasn't much help either!

Neither were the many others gracing the pavement. The only litter to be found in Pisa mind you.

Umbrella Sella

No matter when, like ants these guys know when rain is coming and are prepared. As soon as the first drops hit the ground they are on every street corner offering their high quality products. Such high quality, that on a rainy day in Pisa over 15 of them were spotted abandoned on the pavement. The locals laughed at this sucker with a broken umbrella as he wandered the streets, not realising he’d got it for free. Seeing the state of his Umbrella the cheeky sellas tried offering the poor man another. Needless to say, he refused.

The search for a memory stick continued despite the weather and eventually the boys found what they were looking for. This meant photos could be backed up and deleted, making room for many more stupid photos of the now leaning tower.

This was just one of many.

We came back later that night and tried drinking out of a straw, eating the leaning tower, holding it up with an umbrella...who knew what was once built to be a church bell tower would become so famous! In fact, who knew it was a church bell tower? Not me.

The remainder of the day was spent searching for a supermarket to stock supplies for tomorrow's train trip. After a long wet walk we risked getting even more wet crossing a rickety bridge. Luckily there were free samples at the supermarket to revive us. My Canadian friend James fell prey to the guilt you are supposed to feel after taking these samples, I on the other hand used his purchases as justification for taking a few more free samples of my own.

We got back into town and James suggested I stop in here for an evaluation. I gave myself an evaluation instead, and we agreed to stop in somewhere else.

You guessed it.

The next morning we woke at 5am for the early train to Milan and although there was a slight drizzle there were no over-committed sellas to be found.

This turned out to be one of the nicest train trips I had taken. Not only did I have company but the darkness soon gave way to light and the colors slowly rose from the east, the perfect backdrop for the mountains we were now passing through.

The remainder of the trip stayed shrouded in fog which gave the bare trees an eerie feel as we passed by.

Eventually we got to Milan and as soon as I set foot in that city I was glad I chose not to stay there a night. It was busy, people were rude and beggars were everywhere. The one highlight was the Duomo, a brilliant church in the heart of the city.

Its stained glass windows were probably the best I'd seen.

Dubbed the fashion capital of the world I was never going to fit in here. I made the most of my time by searching the stores for the most ridiculously priced items. This woolen jumper/sweater was on sale for guess how much??

548 Euros, over $900AUD!! In second place, barely missing out on the title were a pair of shoes for nearly 800 Euros!

I had enough, I said goodbye to James and headed to Krakow, Poland where everything seemed like it was on sale. I was tempted to swipe all this gear for the next State Youth Games!

Weather

Heavy rains of "Incorrect pronunciation" and "frequent misspelling" have occurred all over Europe but should clear up by the end of December. While unusual eating patterns look likely to continue while our radar shows that future flights may be blown off course by by hurricane "Apparently you need a visa". With that sunset times will experience abnormal changes as they are predicted to move from 4pm to around 9pm. As for the temperature, freezing.

Everything but the weather in Krakow was beautiful. The hostel, the city, the people and especially the food.

Which blows my mind to think how Sodexho has popped up even here!

I was so mad I couldn't even talk straight anymore. Nothing made sense

Except to my stomach

Which was treated to the finest potatoes ever. If I lived in Poland there is no doubt that I would explode from all the overeating that would occur. It didn't help that the hostel I was staying in provided both breakfast, dinner and anything else you could wish for.

I thought I better work off some of that food by walking down into a salt mine.

This workout was actually quite boring except for an underground chapel carved into the rock salt.

Even the chandeliers were made out of rock salt, but the tour still wasn't worth the near $40 Aussie dollars it cost. That confirmed my decision to find my own way to Oswiecim early the next day.

It turned out to be one of the best decisions I had made as I got to the Auschwitz concentration camp well before all the tour groups and stayed till well after they left. This was my one reason for coming to Poland, I wanted to feel the horror for myself and understand what went on.

I can't really pick a word to describe the experience, but it's one I am extremely glad I made time for.

It was almost unimaginable to think of the many stories that ended in tragedy here.

Things like this really cause you to stop and reflect. It's almost awkward for me to go back into joke mode after this

The next day was bright and sunny so I chose to go exploring and ended up climbing Mound Kosciuszko, a mound used in the defense of Krakow, named after war hero General Kosciuszko. This same war hero finds his name attached to Australia's tallest mountain which was dedicated to him by Polish explorer Strzelecki.

Even though it looked nice outside, let me assure you it was bitterly cold. I think that day reached a top of -2C, 28F

Later that night I went out to a Polish restaurant and had some more delicious food before finally heading back to a more or less English speaking country, England!

Can priority boarders please stand up

Budget airline EasyJet made a call to all people with priority boarding to come forward for the flight from Newcastle to Barcelona. At first it looked as if nobody had lashed out the extra few pounds for the privilege, but then, after a few seconds an embarrassed couple stood up and walked to the counter, acknowledging the stares of every other passenger who was holding back laughter.

Again EasyJet was in the papers for their priority boarding blunders, this time on a flight back to Newcastle from Krakow. Priority boarders were called first and were on the bus before anyone else. Lorimer, avoiding the crowds got on the bus last which then taxied passengers to their plane. When the doors eventually opened he was the first out, the priority boarders stuck at the back. Last on the bus, first on the plane, Lorimer got a window seat and a whole row to himself. The priority boarders left with the scraps.

The temperature was still unpleasant, there was still ice on the ground and the sun still went down at ridiculous o'clock, but I was glad to be back in England speaking a familiar language and entering a familiar door.

The only unfortunate thing was that I needed to take all the junk I'd left at James' house with me.

I lugged it onto the bus and headed for London passing this franchise on the way. I decided I was too manly to eat here and instead went to the restaurant opposite. Here, I drank peoples half empty coffees and cleared the remains off their plates.

After a free night in London (thanks Uncle Mark) and a few more pictures for my Monopoly board I set off for Brighton to visit my friend Stacey.

After waiting over 15 minutes to be picked up I put this graffiti on a nearby door.

But then Stacey came to the rescue and started showing me around her great town, courtesy of a double decker bus. The trip was soon soured when we went out bowling. Lets just say I lost more than a bet. At least her family was good to me.

Stacey tried to cheer me up the next day by taking me to see this nice building whose peaks bought back horrible memories of deformed bowling balls that wouldn't roll straight.

After I had a fit she took me to some pointy buildings

But I soon became paranoid about something else.

That was one of a few crazy signs I spotted.

Most people only took it half seriously. The famous Venus de Milo kept on the bottom half

While this dummy found in a Brighton shop window kept on the top half.

The signs influence on singer Rihanna was quite noticeable as she advertised herself on stage. My good friend Paint Shop Pro to the rescue!

This was the most modest outfit she was seen in. Clothing aside, the concert was first-class. Boy that girl can sing. The concert would have been that much better again if Stacey had have let me bring an Umbrella to wave around for her song of that name.

She kept an eye on me the whole time to make sure I didn't come into contact with any sellas'.

The Umbrella song was saved until last during which a few gutsy pioneers pulled out the umbrellas they'd been holding all night and were for a moment the coolest people in the building, in my eyes anyway. The show ended (thanks to Stacey's friend Adele for the tickets, hope your legs is getting better) and so did my time at Brighton with the lovely Rodger family.

Europe's Top 5

1. Girona (Spain)
2. Pisa (Italy)
3. Bridgnorth (England)
4. Navacelle (France)
5. Edinburgh (Scotland)

My tour of Europe was complete and the next morning Stacey's dad got up nice and early and drove me to the bus. Next stop China.

Or was it...

I got to Heathrow Airport only to discover you can't fly into China without a visa. A really nice lady rescheduled my flight back to Australia on the same day I got in to China which made it possible for me to get home. This also made it roughly 48 hours straight of flying and airports.

The first plane touched down in Germany, the second in smoggy Beijing where I swear I spotted the great wall. Maybe I wanted to see it so badly that my mind built a wall of its own! The third flight landed in Sydney where I rescheduled my domestic flight and went waaaay over the luggage limit without being charged any extra. After four flights I was finally back in Melbourne and not a single person knew about it.

The good run continued as I made it to the bus station just in time to catch one to Sale. Once I got there I rang for someone to pick me up so I could surprise my family. We stopped in at the mall where I picked up some flowers for mum...

The bunch I picked were reduced for quick sale, proving I haven't changed one bit!

English Grades

2007-12-18T16:29:00.000-08:00

Well guys here are your official English grades. Click on the picture to enlarge.

Before you read them let me just say I had a great time at each of your houses and am very thankful to have been able to stay with you all. This means you all have to come visit me one day! Thanks again for the good times and hospitality.

Now for what you've all been waiting for...

Any complaints about these grades should be sent to arkmhed@gmail.com
Our non-discrimination policy is available online www.pommyrubbish.co.uk

Travellers Curse

2007-11-27T01:12:00.000-08:00

TRAVELLERS CURSE

The math that I'm now learning, is playing dirty tricks

For every place I visit, I gain another six
I'm supposed to be a teacher, who at least got the gist
So how can take aways, be adding to my list?
It makes me sad and angry that I wont see the lot
It feels really hopeless, but I'm yet to try some pot!
Maybe that'll solve the problem, but then again probably not

Places left unconquered, I haven’t got the time
Beauty undiscovered, mountains left to climb
Why do I need more when I've already had enough
I'd seem like a big whinger if I said this life is tough

Here I am on a perfect day,
In a perfect town, with the sun on display
I can't sit still, not even now
I need a pill, to show me how
Snap out of it enjoy yourself
Some things must stay up on that shelf
Unread, untouched, untried, unheard
Untasted, opened, un's an ugly word

Discontentment has its hold
And will still be there when I get old
Has this new foe been identified
Or hidden well in my mind, while I lied?
Has it sprung up like a plant from the ground
Or have I opened my ears to this tragic new sound?

I am not alone in this mysterious thing
In the Bible I know of a discontent king
Finding contentment was his great quest
What did he discover and what did he test?
Four hundred wives and a gold plated vest
A throne and a kingdom, and now here’s the rest

Wining and dining and reading and study
A mind to be used that was clear and unmuddy
Riches untold and armies for use
Accomplishments piled right up to the roof

He said, "I spy with my little eye,
Luxuries that I wont deny,
I'll grab it all, and then grab some more
Even if this means exploiting the poor"

And what did he see when he took a look back?
Was he content, or did he still lack?

After this quest from a man who knows well
Meaningless, meaningless, life feels like hell
Better to die in the womb really smallThen to ever see light or to ever grow tall
This comes from a king, this guy had it all

In the end life falls hopelessly short
Of what most of us wish from it, hope that it ought
Ecclesiastes is the name of the book
Of this king and his story, go take a look

Will we ever find what we're looking for?
Certainly not if its 'more, more, more'

PART II

Still discontentment has its place
Promoting forgiveness and love and grace
Not satisfied with the world and its wrongs
Or half baked art or terrible songs
Yes we want more this inspires inventions
Most that exploit our discontent intentions
Products we don't need flood all the nations
Nintendo's and Xbox's and even Playstation's

Maybe one day discontent will be no more
When everyone gets what they've been looking for?

But when it all boils down, when it all gets tough
We're all looking for the very same stuff.

We like to judge people and things that they do
In the same situation that could well be you.
Judgement left to the one who knows best
Who sees all of a life, every trial and test.

For those labelled "sinners " understanding and grace
Those smug and secure, get mud on their face.

Some may soon grumble and others may shake
But truths a great road, one that I often take
Sorry to do this and point these things out

Turning thoughts on their heads and creating some doubt
Here’s are some things I’ve been thinking about.

So look deeply now, it gets quite depressing
A girl named 'appearance' is slowly undressing.

One poses for photos another one sings
Recognition for both, and the praise that it brings
Others try and we call them disgraces
Looking for love in prostitutes faces
On the flip side of this is a girl called 'honey’
With three kids at home, and a bank with no money

A hard working woman on a train takes her chances
Avoiding the various judgemental glances
Her child is loud that’s a well known fact
But she tries her best to show her how to act
Embarrassed each time her child opens their mouth
She cries in her seat as the train travels South.

Another man seated a few rows back
Is chewing some gum while the train eats the track
A young man adjacent hears this ugly sound
And thinks of an old man that he'd like to pound
“That selfish rude man is ruining my ride”
On the train he sits, arms crossed, brewing inside.
But when the man gets up to go to the bin
He sees why the man shovels chewing gum in
His breath smells like the death of a thousand sick brothers
All along this kind man has been thinking of others.

Seek first to understand, and then be understood
This advice I try to follow but not as best I could

Your friend cares and listens, becomes your new hero
Their sense of self worth now rising from zero
Another helps fix things, that's all it would seem
But they're getting a fix for their own self esteem.

There's sport and there’s music a chance to show pony
For others the tactic’s being awfully phoney
Yet both just want friends, and both really lonely
Time spent on computers playing RPG's
Wasting hours on end with absolute ease
A getaway from the realities of life
Where they're more in control of the battles and strife

Those 'good people' do something like 'shave for a cure’
My head the spotlight, attention the lure
Maybe even this poem, perhaps written for applause
Was that its real reason, was this its true cause?

Some move to the bottle, to take out life’s sting
And some jump off buildings for the very same thing
"God is there a way out, a way that is best?"
¨Come all who are weary and I will give you rest"

I swear I wont get caught up!

Here’s a funny poem, I hope you can read it
I fear those who wont are the ones who most need it
For some of you this poem may be a classic hit
Others will think that this poem is really sh!t
Are you caught up in words is the point, thats it?
.......................
..........................
....think time....
........................
.........................
I know I still am, I found that last line hard to write
That 'bad word' that has obviously given some a fright
I'm still caught up by giving justification
If I wasn't caught up this wouldn't need an explanation

Would it make any difference if i wrote it like **** this?
Though now invisible your brain doesn't miss
What if I tried and replaced the word
With something more tasteful like 'crap' or like 'turd'?

No more explaining or this poems defeated
It's meaning will vanish, it's point being cheated
The point is the point, that’s the point of this rhyme
A pointy, point indeed that may make sense in time

Here are two stories to show where I'm aiming
They should help you see where I stand, what I'm claiming

Derek and I, good friends used to express
The words "I hate you" when we were impressed
'Nice shot, I'm jealous, good job it meant too
This meaning was known, to only a few.

Along came a girl who heard this fine saying
"Not such Christian virtues you boys are displaying"
Misunderstood, we explained what we meant
The words real intentions, the message being sent.

Another time with my great sister Cat
Who I used to joke was terribly fat
At a Christmas party was the time and the place
With family all gathered, cake stuffed in their face
I yelled some mean words that we both understood
And a cousin was shocked that I said what I would
They thought the next family domestic was due
But Cath knew what I meant and I know that she knew.

Now the most hurtful words that I ever remember
Were words in a sentence, perhaps in Novemeber
"We will win tonight" the 'harmless' words uttered
But one boy left that stadium totally gutted.

See, in a much bigger story were spoken these words
Which give them their meaning and here’s what I heard.
"Your useless, your dumb, we hate you go home,
stay off our team and leave us alone"

The sting from that blow, that mighty king hit
Produced words from me, words like "I quit"
Basketball, a game I love playing
Thank goodness mum saw past the words I was saying
Luckily this mum listened and heard
The real true meaning behind that last word

So watch what you speak and guard what you say
You could shatter a dream, or ruin a day
Some words that are 'right' tear down and destroy
Some 'wrong' words may build up, encourage, bring joy
Shit hot, bloody brilliant, you're f****** awesome with surds
I still have my limits with these things we call words.

009 Hello World

2007-11-20T03:23:00.000-08:00

After somehow managing some sleep Andrew got away from Kansas City airport and touched down for a quick layover in Salt Lake city, where he was lucky enough to catch the sun coming as it reflected on the lakes.

He landed in Seattle and lugged his near 45kg (100lb) of luggage over to the Green Tortise hostel. Free breakfast, free wifi, a central location and a place under the bed to store all his junk made for one of the best hostels yet.

The next day he took off to explore this great city. In a lazy attempt to be artistic he took some photos at a gallery.

Photos, of some pointless metal objects, well actually this one had a point.

And to be honest, the looked pretty cool despite the money spent

He went to a Monorail station

And went on his first ever monorail trip.

There was a whole bunch of artistic stuff to see in this city.

He thought this fountain was pretty cool but it got even better as he watched some kids fall over attempting to run around the inside of this fountain and keep dry.

Then he found the Space needle

And took a photo of Seattle from the top. "What an awesome city" he said to himself.

He even found his way back to the Space Needle at night in the dark.

But he really cheated because he did have the moonlight to help him. This photo was taken through binoculars on top of the space needle. Full moon.

Good thing there was no moon to be seen at this public market

Apparently this is the World famous Pikes Place market. Well this isn't, it's a huge dead crab

Something fishy was definately going on here.

So Andrew took off down a dodgy street to find a wall covered in bubble gum. Angry that this girl got in his shot Andrew tried to stick her to the wall. When that failed he decided to pioneer the clean wall right next to it. Just another excuse to go back in a few years to see if his legacy has been carried on!

Later that day he was caught speeding at the University of Washington

But he went to their Hogwarts library and studied all day

And then all night, to learn a spell that made them forget all about it.

The University itself was unforgettable.

If Missouri State made Ballarat look bad, which is certainly did! Then this made Missouri State look like rubbish.

The beautiful fall colors combined with their college purple for a winning combination. Which was the case later that night when Andrew went and watched their Volleyball team ranked fourth in the nation.

He snuck into this room to take a photo of a professional looking classroom.

And then their even more professional looking dining hall...

Ok just kidding, they don't actually have on campus dining. Maybe thats why they all look healthy!

Or maybe its the fact that there are mountains for them to climb

An beautiful view of the 14,000ft Mt Rainer beckons in the distance.

Whatever it was, Andrew was in awe of this university. So much so that he stayed for their homecoming celebration. Ok, free Chipotle, drinks and chips was also a motivator.

Now inspired he got back late that night and wanted to study some Astrophysics, but the library was closed so he just took a photo.

The next day he said goodbye to Seattle and America and caught the Greyhound to Vancouver. Again meeting the typical Greyhound crowd.

After a bit of a bus ride he crossed the border and made it to Canada. Before crossing one of his fellow passengers got the royal unpackage as he was asked to remove every item from his suitcase as one by one border patrol checked it. "Good thing i don't do drugs" Andrew thought as his bags were twice as big and he had twice as many. It came to his turn and he was waved through. When the guy who needed to do the royal repackage came back to the bus Andrew found out why he got such a raw deal. Accused for but found innocent of money laundering.

Andrews heart dropped when he found out he was innocent, he could have used a good launder! He was still wearing the same shorts he left in, which would in the end last him 21 consecutive days.

Relief set in as the gear could finally be dumped inside the Cambie hostel and Andrew could go for a walk, as opposed to stumble, to visit Canada place.

The next day Andrew found a church and afterward a nice couple took him out to a Greek restaurant. There is still speculation as to whether this was done to prove that Canadians are just as nice as Americans or because their dollar is now stronger.

Either way Andrew was greatful. Their act of kindness had spared another squirrel from being roasted. Although this one looks like it barely escaped from the flames.

It was nearly time to leaf Vancouver

So Andrew visited Stanley Park

And checked out all the amazing fall colors.

Here was a sample

And another.

On his way back into town he noticed this sign, but became suspicious when he noticed the black radioactive handprints all over it.

This apparent Nuclear Free Zone had even turned the squirrels black, which had never been seen before.

The pizza was still fine to eat though. So Andrew went out of his way to support local business as he went to a range of places offering slices for $1.25

After he was done supporting he went up a tower in the middle of town to watch the sun go down.

And see the city from above

He went up and the sun did come down.

So did Andrew's head when he had to lug all his bags again.

But before he left, he enjoyed a Canadian maple donut at the very Canadian "Tim Horton's"

And then made fun of the Canadian way of saying "chips and gravy"..."poutine"

They kicked him out at just the right time. He saw the sun go down over the Canadian rockies

And then come back up somewhere close to Germany. The clouds turned pinks as the sun rose. One of the best things he has ever seen. Bettering both the Mr Bean and Simpsons movies he also saw during the flight.

After the plane touched down and after a little help from a nice German man, Andrew got on the right train with the right ticket and headed into downtown Frankfurt where he found a backpackers right next to the station.

There were many other things it was right next to which were more adult, but were just as visible as the train station by day and even more so at night.

Trying to stave off Jet lag he went for a walk around the city, stopping at this Opera house for a quick solo

After they booed him off he decided to console himself in a church

Where he found only "John Q Hammons" could be an Organ donor in this country.

The buildings in this city alone were enough to put both Seattle and Vancouver to shame, which is no mean feat.

But if you take one look at the buildings or the cobbled streets you'll see why. Simplicity, ease and efficiency have been thrown out the window for originality, design and beauty. "I think I'd rather the latter" Lorimer remarked as he was questioned at the National builders summit.

Even with all these cool buildings Andrew's mind did wander back to America when he saw this greek. Sources confirm it reads "frats are for people who need to buy friends, or friends to buy"

At first Andrew even mistook this for a pound. Perhaps his mind was still in America.

He soon got into the local spirit by drinking something slightly less strong. Their liter cans are not only in metric, they are a liter!

Tempted to join the locals once more, Andrew controlled himself and decided not to be a brat.

Speaking of brats, this Elephant was caught stealing a ball from the local kindergartener's. Andrew stomped on its trunk a number of times before it coughed back up an oversized peanut. Apologies were in order but instead Andrew bought some extremely cheap alcohol and the Elephant forgot all about it. Fancy that.

Even the Elephant incident couldn't distract him and back his mind went to America. This German dorm room reminded him of Sunvilla.

The next day he took off for Heidelburg, which sounds rather familiar.

If it wasn't America it was Australia. There was some confusion as to why someone would be advertising coffee as Australian. Perhaps our country is exotic elsewhere.

This was a "less impressive but equally excessive" organ found in another of the many beautiful churches that were used as a hideout from the elephant clan.

It was beginning to get to that stage in the trip where Andrew just wants to be home again. But it has been so long now that he has forgotten where home even is.

These feelings don't get rid of immaturity so he felt it necessary to take a photo of this sign. It makes him wonder about the words he says over in China and whether "Lorimer" means something funny to someone over there.

Just before the sun went down he caught a glimpse of the Heidelburg castle which he was supposed to travel to and save a beautiful princess. In the end he got distacted by the beautiful cobbled streets and Chinese buffet's that lay along them.

He rose early the next morning and made the most of the hearty free breakfast provided by the hostel. Little did he know it was a trap and soon he was biting into a stick of poison butter conveniently disguised with the rest of the cheese. As you can see, he didn't get far into it and luckily, suffered only a mild cholesterol attack.

So he walked up to the castle and in full confidence decided to take a vain picture to add to the heroics scrapbook he is making for himself.

After that he took a nice little break in this quiet park.

That little break ended up a bit longer as there were some more fall colors to be admired.

Finally he made it to the castle but it had already been blown apart because he'd taken too long getting there. If you look closely you can see princess guts on the railing.

So he took another photo and went back into town

And then took another photo once he got there.

But it wasn't enough and he consoled himself with some pharmaceuticals.

But then got spotted by the polize.

So he stole one of the many bikes at the train station

And hid behind a giant horse that scared them all away.

Then he went to Allianz Arena to see if he could make it to the next world cup

They said no, so he bought some official gear so he could pretend.

Then he went to the BMW display centre and saw a hydrogen power car and heard some exciting news about Germany's efforts to get the government onside. It made him both happy and sad. Happy to hear that the technology is possible, and that it could work. Sad to hear that governments would rather get a million brilliant minds together to put the first person on the moon than put in a real effort to reduce the harm we are doing to this planet.

With this in mind he went for a walk around the village, home of the 1972 Munich Olympics

The walk soon turned into a run, then a swim, then a cycle as Andrew smashed world records left right and centre.

This beer was in celebration of the 27 goal medals he won with no opposition. Munich 2007, quite a good year for Australia.

Despite the fact that Germans have cheap beer and delicious food those aforementioned bikes keep most of them from looking like Americans!

Andrew's record haul meant being immortalized in statues as far away as Salzburg, Austria.

His statue fit in perfectly with the beautiful city.

And the funny looking traffic lights.

He didn't know whether this green meant it was ok to stop walking and take someones bike.

The first elderly person he tried to do this to easily fended him off, so he gave them his wrestling gold medal and decided to walk.

Also immortalized in this city is Mozart who was born and bred here. The locals are still milking him for all he's worth today. Here he is seen selling confectionery.

Mozart wasn't the only inspiring force in this town. Andrew visited the greatest church he has ever set foot in. It was amazing. Awesome, in the true sense of the word.

Its magnificent detail and sheer hugeness gave him a sense of his place on this earth as well as a reflection of God's greatness and worthiness. The only reason any of those now 26 gold medals were hanging round his neck was because of God.

He has always figured the money could be better used to feed the hungry and clothe the poor. But isn't this what these buildings may have done anyway, provided many jobs for common laborers. Either way these weren't luxuries for the sake of luxuries or lavishness for the sake of lavishness, these things were done with God in mind.

Even when he stepped out of the building he just had to take another photo of it.

And as good as it was, nothing quite compares to the masters own handiwork.

Yes indeed.

Nonetheless, Andrew continued on and went for a walk around another castle

Stopping occasionally to see what the sunset was doing.

It was setting

And so was his time in Germany his second last night spent drifting in and out of sleep trying to decide on the appropriate course of action for a snoring roommate on the bunk below. His thoughts of murder were surprisingly more sane than another of his roommates, who woke angrily long enough to say, "He is a selfish, selfish man, i bet he knows he does it". Though he held back from laughing in his face Andrew decided laughter was the best medicine so he got out his camera to record the hideous sound.

It's on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwk7JhZF2Tw
It gets better as you go, so listen to it all.

Finally morning came and Andrew headed to Neuswanstein Castle, the one disney scabbed their idea off.

As you can see it was pretty impressive, but unfortunately you were not allowed to take photos inside, Andrew was tempted more than once.

However, the scenery outside more than made up for it.

Well and truly. The further you tilted your neck up, the more snow you could see. It even started snowing while Andrew was there.

After the tour he hurried to the bridge to see if he could get a better view of the castle; in the process running into a nice view of another.

Balancing the camera on the railing of the bridge didn't seem wise so Andrew asked another guy if he wanted his picture taken, which really meant, "Will you take a picture for me after i take one of you", but of course nobody ever says it like that!

After the picture it was time for a public transport marathon. 7 changes to get back to where it all began, Frankfurt Hauptbanhof. A flawless performance was required for this feat and Lorimer delivered, despite some shaky moments provided by tardy trains.

From one form of transport to another Lorimer found his way back to the airport and over to the motherland. Excited to not feel bad for speaking English.

His first experiences weren't so good as he took up a few too many seats on the overcrowded Tube. "Please mind the gap between the train and the platform" were the friendliest words chanted on that ride.

He got to the hostel and things got worse. First of all the prices were in Pounds and secondly there were Australians everywhere. The talk coming from their mouths made him ashamed.

Things got better when he decided to tour the real life Monopoly board. This was Trafalgar Square.

This was Park Lane...just kidding. The Red section all but finished.

The pace was hectic, the dog and the thimble couldn't keep up

By the time he'd reached the Thames river it was just him and the Iron

They went by the London Eye.

Said "hi" to Big Ben, who should probably go on a diet.

And visited Westminster Abbey

Then said goodbye to all three at once.

Then they went to see some shy guards who were to afraid to change infront of them.

The Iron was then hired by the Queen and Andrew was left all alone.

They told him he didn't have any useful skills like the Iron, and that his resume had been put in a file with the rest of them.

Andrew wasn't sad, he saw it as an opportunity to tick off another space on the Monopoly Board. "Go to jail". His fence climbing was cut short by the horse, who didn't want him to get around the board first.

His dream shattered, he went back to his hostel on Piccadilly Circus and came up with a new plan.

He would try and make himself more sophisticated by watching a few plays. While it nearly killed him knowing the exact exchange rates when handing over almost 60 pounds for the "Lion King" and "Stomp" he considers the experience well worth it. "Both shows were unbelievable", critics raved Andrew agreed after seeing Stomp for the second time.

After the 8 o'clock show he strolled all the way back to the Hostel expecting the street to be full of drunk people. Instead it was full of people having their dinner at 11pm, almost seven hours since the sky turned dark.

The stroll gave him another opportunity to hit up some of the lesser known streets on the Monopoly board.

If there were a gullible street, Lorimer would have put hotels on it, as earlier in the day he was hussled out of 40pounds by two con artists. On who was suspiciously winning most of the time and the other with the same Turkish accent who was running the game. With a recently lost credit card, an empty bank account and a heart full of greed Andrew put the minimum bet of 20 pounds on the bleedingly obvious fact that the barcode was under disc 1.

Bleedingly obvious it wasn't, as Andrew's money was taken from him! Another twenty was handed to charity when Andrew desperately attempted to gain back what he had lost.

Even 8 hours and the calming effects of shameless advertising weren't enough to settle him down.

All smiles before crossing the Tower Bridge, the site of the Con.

Painful, painful memories which weren't helped by Andrew's constant currency conversion.

A parade went by St Paul's to cheer him up, but that didn't work.

Everything in London became tainted after that.

Not even the Monopoly board was making him smile anymore.

Or buildings that look better suited for the moon.

This bad attitude continued as he passed by the light blue section.

And conquered all four railways.

He was in such a state that he didn't even enjoy taking a photo of this and remembering the boys from "Woods 5"

Infact he has such a bad attitude, he's decided to take over...

But to be honest London was far less positive than my experience in Germany. In Germany I would be looking at a map and someone would come up to me and say, “benötigen Sie jede mögliche Hilfe” to which I could only just shrug my shoulders. After this I would be asked “do you need any help” to which i replied 'yes' every time. One guy got off his bike and walked me toward a hostel that remained illusive after several directions. Another lady gave me her bus ticket. People went the extra mile.

In London not once was i approached for help and on the Tube you were more likely to find 24-carat gold than a smile!

At least i saw the London bridge before all this happened. On it i sung the childhood song and realised, contrary to popular belief London bridge is not falling down, not even when i jumped on it. And to be honest their wasn't a fair lady in sight, I'm in England!

My time in the motherland was soon to get a little worse as on my way to Sally's i left a book with contact numbers and some journal entries at a train station. That was the final slap dealt to me on my way out of the big city. What a relief to get out to the county and see a friendly face.

I was extremely glad to see Sally and glad to be breathing some fresh air.

The first thing we did was go on a hike in Wales.

Sally bought along her boyfriend Alex. I tried to steal him (see above)

It was a beautiful hike spoiled by nothing. Not even the left hand side.

It got even better when we stumbled upon Lake Australia. Yes i am most certainly missing home but at least this is close...ok well its gotten to that stage where i am counting down the days till i get home but doing it in a way that makes me think i have longer to go than i really do. I guess i think it will come quicker that way. Since i plan to be back on Christmas day this is very hard to do. Everytime someone shouts out the days left till Christmas my mind secretly knows how long i have left.

Another tactic i use is one marathon runners would. I break the time down into smaller more managable parts. Alright 7 days in Spain, 8 days in France, etc. Not that this is a painful experience, i just want to be home real bad.

Enough of my psychological problems.

The next day Sally went to work and i went off to see Bridgnorth. I found this sign rather funny.

And also this one.

I thought about knick-knocking but then i realised this door could be coated with that same paint!

Apart from seeing a good friend, the purpose of this visit is to evaluate one of three very different English towns. In the north, (Newcastle) the South, (Brighton) and in the Middle (Bridgnorth). The rating will consist of a whole range of mostly irrelevant criteria, which are.

Natural setting

Atmosphere

Mother factor

Music played while I'm in car

Weather

Architecture

Driving ability

Food

Front Door

Photos Taken

Each criteria will be scored out of ten and then random bonuses may be added.

Bridgnorth has scored highly in most areas. This old man definitely added to the atmosphere.

The Bridgnorth killer ducks were a bit of a problem though

But i saved that little princess to make up for last time, and had the ducks well and truly straightened out.

The weather there was typically English as was some of the slang i learned.

“You alright” is like saying hello and doesn’t require a response of “yeah I’m fine thanks” or “yeah, ill just have a look around”

Also “baps” is the same thing as a burger or burger bun

The Mr Bean cars were English too. Oh, all the memories from my childhood.

I never remembered this on Thomas the Tank engine. This 100 yard cliff railway was used to transport goods from the river to the town above. I only rode it because a nice shopkeeper and i got talking (something that never happened in London either) and she gave me a free ticket.

The next day i went to a town called Ludlow which also reminded me of my childhood next door neighbours, the Ludlows. On the way there the bus driver made a special loop for an older woman who needed to get a prescription. Ah, i love the country!

The signs in Ludlow were pretty blunt, for the sake of the animals i hope their knives weren't.

There were some classic buildings

And a nice castle to climb on

And even a market to try some free cheese.

I got back later that night and got "the talk" from Sal's dad. This was not a talk about birds or bees, but rather... golf. Just like the other "talk", this is something i will never forget.

So i left on a high note and said goodbye to Sally, her family and her lovely little town.

I hopped on a bus that Leeds to Newcastle where i couldn't wait to see my friend James. here me and another bloke set out in search of a free toilet. The was no way i was paying 20p 2 pee. We succeeded in our mission without resorting any gutters and got back on the bus.

The sun said goodbye and moon said hello. A few hours later i was in Newcastle saying the same to James. Just like in Bridgnorth i was immediately offered a beer and soon felt right at home.

The next day we also went on a road trip. Not quite to a different country, but to something i had never seen before...the English coast.

We had the beach all to ourselves, not that we were ever going to make use of the 8 degree water (sorry farenheighters, you'll have to convert)

The sun also came out for another rare appearance. Followed by another rare appearance of meat on my plate as i couldn't resist the lure of comparing Australian and English fish 'n' chips.

Like old days we walked around with a soccer ball at our feet. Tempting whatever cars would come our way with a human target.

And then before 4pm the sun was setting. Ridiculous!

The next day i was shown the sights of Newcastle.

I challenged this Angel to a wingspan contest and lost.

Speaking of lost, on that hike i did with Sal and Al someone lost this lovely new beanie i'm now sporting. Perfect for this cold, cold weather.

So that was it, Newcastle is over. James' front door is the greatest and i am just back here for tonight before i fly off to Spain, France, Italy and Poland for a little over double the price i was hussled for!

Let it go Andrew, let it go

Love you all hope to see you soon.

Spiritual Update 005

2007-11-19T03:21:00.000-08:00

This update has been a very long time coming. But here we go. Since last time I wrote I have done an 8 week teaching block and been on holidays now for over a month.

With a full teaching load with coaching most nights a week I did not do a lot of growing, praying or reflecting, either on my teaching or on life in general. And I am discovering and hopefully will start acting on these discoveries that a relationship with God is of first importance, that’s what God truly wants. Out of this our relationships with others are changed for the better and we become more like our creator. The trouble is (and I feel I am not alone) that I still have far more motivation to do things for God rather than spend time with God. Reading is one of those things

If Christianity was all about reading then I have done quite well. In the last little while I have read plenty of good books. Beside the fact that I didn’t take time to really soak in what was written a review can only give you a terrible idea of what this reading has done to my thinking and faith…and what it may do for yours. I would love for you to read some of these books for yourselves because I think a lot of them are worth reading. They will challenge you and cause you to question and grow, and in the process you will likely come to understand what I am thinking and how I can come to some of these crazy conclusions.

Deep Economy: Bill McKibben

– peak oil, durable wealth and sustainable future. This book is a wake up call about the environment, peak oil and wealth and what it is doing (or not doing) for communities. It goes through a bit of the history and forecasts the future for society as we get to the other side of peak oil. The author also offers some examples sustainable practices for both the environment and communities.

---A good eye opening book---

Letters from a skeptic: Gregory A. Boyd and Edward K. Boyd

– This was a dialogue between a son and his father over issues and doubts about Christianity. I was actually a little skeptical when I got this book because most books that are supposed to have ‘all the answers’ fall woefully short. Or maybe it was the answers I was worried about, I thought they were going to be the stock standard responses that I have heard all my life. Don’t get me wrong some stock standard answers are good, that’s why they became the standard.

Anyway this book was really good and had a lot of good answers to difficult questions, some I would never in my wildest dreams have thought of. One good example was the father asked his son ‘why does God allow earthquakes’ and one point in his reply was that maybe they are necessary…for example the hardness of a rock allows you to stand on it but it also opens the opportunity for you to stub your toe on. You can’t have one without the other, for me I remembered a lecture given about flexibility and stability of joints. You can’t gain one without making sacrifices to the other.

In answering another question the point was made that “we become the decisions we make”. If we persist with choosing bitterness and unforgiveness soon enough we wake up bitter without even choosing to do so. On the other hand if we continually chose kind words then that’s what comes naturally out of our mouths. Makes sense to me.

Anyway there were plenty of other great insights, and questions raised which I won’t bother copying down word for word.

---A fantastic book, get on it.---

A generous orthodoxy: Brian McLaren

– I can hardly remember it now but I do remember it went into reasons why he considers himself mystic, poet, liberal, conservative, catholic, protestant etc. The author uncovers what he had gained from different denominations and encourages the reader to explore these. ‘Holding on the good, forgetting the bad’… although some of the bad was definitely addressed.

---It was alright, I can’t remember much of it---

The last word and the word after that: Brian McLaren

– I reread this book because I don’t really think I have any idea what goes on when we die, infact, I don’t know if it matters that much. If we focus on it too much we are missing the point, which was suggested quite a few times in the book.

Hell can be a motivator but it can easily become an excuse to become lazy and complacent right now, worrying only about yourself and your personal salvation. What I’m pretty sure of is that one day we will face God and everything we have done, the decisions we have made and the person we have become will be exposed for what they are. Whatever hell is, the point is not to go there.

---Worthy of being read twice so it must be pretty good, or I’m just slow---

Two visions of Jesus- N.T Wright & Marcus Borg

– I will have to reread this one again too but it was two scholars views (one liberal one conservative) on Jesus and what his life and actions meant, whether or not they happened and the implications his ministry has on the lives of Christians now.

After reading this book I am convinced that politics does matter, and even mixing religion and politics is a good thing as long as what the ‘religious person’ is concerned about is “God’s agenda” justice, equality, etc. If someone who’s concern is ‘God’s kingdom’ comes to power we should be truly happy.

Something I have tried to get across but have never been able to do aptly was done for me. It was about the miracles found in the Bible and what they become if they are metaphorical truths rather than historical truths. And while I no longer believe that its so important that the historical events happened, without them I have nothing to base the deeper truths found in both the metaphorical and historical approaches.

It’s pointless to say “Andrew scores 5 goals a game” to show how great a soccer player I am, unless I have actually done something in real life to prove it…but then maybe I only scored 3 goals a game. Still, the 5 goals attributed to me is based on something that actually happened, scoring 3. Even legendizing requires an actual event, without it the metaphor becomes meaningless.

At the same time, a lot of things Jesus did had a number of meanings and some of them I never had a clue about. Does it matter if some of the stories in the Bible happened? Certainly not, when it comes to parables, whose meaning and truth doesn’t depend on whether the events actually took place. (the unmerciful servant, the prodigal son etc) But unless Jesus actually did certain things we cannot say much about the character of God. It’s all well and good to say ‘Jesus loved outcasts’ but unless Jesus actually went around eating with tax collectors and healing lepers you have nothing to base that claim on. I feel this should apply to the miracle stories too.

And still sometimes I think metaphor is the only appropriate way we can speak about God. This mystery and greatness we call God, can only be compared to what we know, and it is, all throughout the Bible. If I read the Bible like I am used to doing, I miss a lot of it. Metaphor means “to see as” So we see God as “a good shepherd, the light of the world, the bread of life, living water” and all these images are helpful, yet are but a part of what we can muster to try and understand God. We certainly do just, “see in part”.

---Very interesting, I look forward to reading it again---

Patience- An expensive lesson

One day while driving to a tennis match I was caught speeding, quite a bit actually. I pulled over and was greeted by a nice officer who gave me a not so nice fine. I got to the match and was told of some people who could make things like this fall through the cracks. I considered this for a while but then thought I wouldn’t really learn a lesson if I didn’t take responsibility for my own actions. Consequences are painful but necessary to produce character, and the pain of wasting US $222 better be producing some mighty fine character!!

At least it forced me to think about why I got this fine…not speeding, but impatience. That’s the real root of the problem. Exactly the opposite of the fruit I am supposed to be displaying. I thought about a lot of things I am impatient with, driving is particularly bad. Sometimes if a light turned red I would get in the right lane (turn any time in America) make a right turn, then 100 yards or so up make a U turn before making another right, thus continuing on straight ahead! It works well but is a blight on my patience. There were quite a few examples. Being busy doesn’t help with this either as you always need to be somewhere doing something. I hope this experience has taught me at least something, but this $222 course is far from over.

Busyness-

During my 8 weeks at Greenwood this went a long way to destroying my Spiritual life. Sure I didn’t go crazy and “run off the rails” by murdering anyone, wagging church, or doing anything else we’d consider extraordinarily ‘bad’! Yet at the same time I don’t know how much fruit I produced or how much ‘good’ I did either. I think I am still recovering, come to think of it.

Having far too much to do and not taking time out with God just takes the spark away. It sort of feels like I did what was required of me but I just wasn’t bearing any fruit. Too much to do leaves you without direction and purpose if you aren’t finding time for a relationship with your creator in the midst of it.

It going to be very hard for me but I am going to have to say ‘no’ to certain things. Especially because I’ll hopefully be starting out teaching. I’ll just have to decide which things are worth investing my time in and do them. It’s so much harder than you think though. Even though I told my mentor at Greenwood you are better doing a few things well than a whole bunch just getting by I find myself not really believing it.

I sort of treat this time in Europe the same way. I really enjoy staying in one place a while and getting a feel for it and really experiencing it…trouble is if you do that you don’t get to see a whole lot, so off I go to see as much as I can. Then this applies to friends too. Do you make as many as you can, or do you invest in a few? (Jesus did)

Oh man, all this gives me a bit of a headache! I’m not sure if it matters so much with travel but I’ll continue to think about this for other areas.

Good hearts-

Just before leaving the US I said goodbye to the people at Christ Community church and I was thinking about what to say to them and what stood out to me in my time there. The biggest thing was their good hearts. Good in the sense that their intentions are really to honour God.

A lot of people know how cynical I can be and that it’s a battle for me to embrace church, let alone fully embrace it like I wish. But meeting so many people like this is slowly teaching me to see other organizations, churches and individuals in a more positive and helpful light. I have also come to realise there are a lot of other people like this in my life (with good hearts) who I don’t necessarily agree with. Sometimes it may be the method (eg, Televangelists) and other times it might be what they are involved in (Street marches, holding ‘God hates fags’ signs) For cases like these it is hard to see past the actions to the intentions, and in the end I think only God can and will. If I think they are misguided I should be sad that these good hearts are going to waste rather than proud or angry thinking ‘I have it right’.

Seeing someone’s good heart allows me to trust in them even if I may not trust in or even agree with what they are doing. This is a comforting and useful thing, especially if that person is in leadership over you. If their intent is for the benefit of God’s kingdom, which ultimately means others than I should wish them all the best. We may go about it completely differently but I should extending them grace just like I’d hope they would to me if I were doing something they weren’t too sure about. Infact, it goes back to the very biblical principle of ‘Do unto others as you’d have them do to you’

Changes in thinking-

I have really noticed changes in my thinking and priorities which have occurred since leaving. I recently took a look at the book (that rhymes nicely) I had been writing since y12 up until a few months before I left. (That’s a goal that’s not getting done!) If I were to continue writing it now I think I would nearly have to rip it up and start again. Things I thought were of utmost importance are no longer so important, angles of attacking issues have changed and even the initial purpose of the book seems irrelevant to an extent.

I know my view of God is always changing (hopefully more accurately) as I discover and experience more and more but I didn’t think that I would ever see things from a completely different angle. I cringe at some of the things I wrote, but I can remember that my heart was in a very good place (probably a better place than it is now). Again I hope this reminds and helps me understand those who would find a book like that helpful and would use arguments from its pages.

Community-

Toward the end of the teaching block I got offered a few good jobs and I thought about taking them and might if someone gets back to me!! I was thinking about what church I would go to if I were over in Springfield again. I really love the people at the church I was going to but I think I would need to go to a church where I would be living in community with the people I was going to church with.

A lot of Greenwood kids go to churches in town, so I feel like that would be more important than me being in a place where I see the kids once or twice a week. Most of the time is spent finding what the other has been up to and still not really understanding what’s going on because you aren’t a part of their life.

It’s probably a lot like traveling to all these neat places and telling two people about them (one who has been there previously and another who hasn’t) everything you say to the one who has been there makes sense and they can put a picture in their head and appreciate what they are saying. The other can’t really and probably listens politely.

Such is the value of community. (there’s another metaphor) I don’t know how long it takes to build or how much time you need to dedicate to it but I’m sure its more than an hour or two a week. The thing is, back in Australia you’ll be lucky to get 1 or 2 students in each of your classes who go to church, so which church I go to might be irrelevant then. Who knows though, I could easily be back in America, I really do like it.

--Some good quotes--

“A problem shared is a problem halved”

“Those who ask a question are fools for five minutes, those who don’t remain fools forever”

A quick funny video you have to watch “MeChurch”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgdIBDVfnP0

008 Thanks for the memories

2007-09-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

So it was back to Springfield and back to work (Yes this does imply i worked last semester). Lots of work, in fact about 10-12 hours a day.

I got back and soon was enjoying my assistant coaching position. After an appalling record with the boys team i was hoping to do a little better with the girls. Four games in and my record had slipped to 0 and 20. Things weren't looking good, but at least they learned the Nutbush.

Comments like "thats the best footwork I've seen all season" may have had something to do with my losing streak.

After a week of matches washed out our first win finally came. By seasons end the teams record improved to 6-8, and the girls found themselves playing off against the top ranked team in our district for a spot at state. It was fairly close but we got sent back to Springfield with 4th place in our district. A pretty good effort.

Mid season, our team hit stardom at an all day tournament when they appeared on KY3 local news who were covering show court. I took a starring role cheering on from the stands. The team is now a household name. At least in the households they come from.

It was an absolute pleasure coaching these ladies but i don't know whether i would do it again, at least not with a full teaching load. It was a little too much which i have decided will be one of my biggest problems in life. Getting too busy and over involved.

Back to the news desk

Now onto the living situation where Lorimer spotted some vacant floor in a living room at 2828 S Nettleton which he has claimed as his own. Sources believe this floor actually belongs to Bruner and Stocker who both agree this nuisance feral must go. Complaints about hygiene were surprisingly low but multiple threats have been made to evict this homeless bum. Up to this point all have failed as he somehow managed to get a key cut. Expert detectives tracked the trail of this sponge to the apartment complex where Lorimer was found and later evicted on the 21st of October.

Here is the site of the eviction

Here's 'Whitey' who would take up two car spaces every time, without fail.

Living life as a high roller has its perks as Lorimer found out a while back when he had his wisdom tooth removed. Growing completely sideways, the problem tooth was identified and soon taken care of at half price $321, due to a 'professional discount' given by the surgeon who recognized Lorimer from a Friday night party. Lorimer would like to thank his dreads because without them his presence at this party may have gone unnoticed. To dreadlocks critics Lorimer would like to point out that even after the cost of getting them done he is still up $281 dollars.

Now showing A.L's inconvenient tooth!

The procedure left him in a giggly state unable to stop himself laughing and later making a fool out of himself by saying the alphabet backwards (thanks mum) to prove he was 'sober' from the effects of the anaesthetic. For the next few days he was taken care of by his surrogate family, the Chiles'. Making an hasty decision he returned on Friday to teach 7 classes with a 'dry socket' he didn't know about at the time. The socket is no longer dry and Lorimer has weaned his way off the remaining painkillers which he noted, 'come in handy for a good nights sleep.

$281 up, but now for long. That balance was soon to be reduced as Lorimer was caught speeding up and down the hills toward a tennis match in Rogersville. If ever there was a perfect time to try evading the long arm of the law, this was it. Acknowledging his guilt, Lorimer immediately pulled over and only later had thoughts of driving away from the officer who was headed in the other direction. The nice officer handed him the fine and went on his way.

A very expensive lesson in pateince would have been missed if Lorimer had taken up the offer of those around him who, 'knew someone on the inside' that could make things like this dissappear! As much as it pains him to hand over the completely wasted $208 he feels that this is the best way to take responsibility for his actions and to reflect on why these actions happen in the first place. A sheer lack of patience. (more about this in next Spiritual update)

A father to many

Responsible for none!

Stoopid Americans

"Alright 1st graders, can you guess where i'm from?" England the first kid guessed. "No, not from England" i said. Jamaica, "No, not Jamaica" "America", the answers started flowing now. "No not America" Africa "Not Africa", "China" "No, i said trying not to laugh and then realizing they weren't going to get it. "Ok, heres a clue we have animals that go like this", i said as i bounced up and down. "Kangaroo", they said excitedly as i nodded. "Mexico" one kid shouted out joined excitedly by most of his class! Through all the noise i finally heard someone else calling out Australia. Thank goodness for that.

As punishment all students under my care had to culture themselves by learning the "Nutbush"

Now here are some funny things I came across in the Math classroom.

One student unintentionally wrote down 'Absolut vodka' as an answer instead of 'Absolute value'.

When discussing inverses i asked what negative 5 and positive 5 were. Someone yelled out "Addictive inverse" which should probably have been "Additive inverse"

Do you speak Australian?

Stoopid Australians

One day I told a student to stop being cheeky, who then replied "whats cheeky" which is exactly what you'd expect from a cheeky kid! I said something like "don't be dumb, just stop it" and then their friend chimed in "Hey, they seriously don't know what it means, I've never heard it either"

In the first week i was left to hold down the fort at the start of class which saw a bunch of kids run into the storeroom which i put a stop to. "Mr Taylor lets us play with basketballs for the first 10 minutes of class" a few kids shouted to me. "Hahaha, sure he does" i replied, "I may be a student teacher but i'm not stupid" i said. Knowing kids are always trying to take advantage of you i was pretty proud of myself for exposing their fraud. But soon coach Taylor came in, out came the basketballs.

I started to really enjoy teaching the little kids. Especially kinder and second grade. Maybe i could be a primary school teacher after all. Maybe i'll end up in a k-12 school. It was a shame because the principal came in an saw the worst class i taught. My first attempt with Kindergarten which i used every known HIGH SCHOOL discipline technique!! Let me just tell you now, staring to embarrass them doesn't make them quiet! After that the principal gave me some good advice and from then on things went really well. I don't think she came in and saw any of my classes after that. Oh well.

I like younger kids because they are easy to impress, easy to please and they still have a desire to learn which alot of older students didn't have. It seems they know it all and i am just there to play fun games for them! I did enjoy the overall experience and know i learned a bunch but it would have been good to have time to scratch myself and at least reflect on a plan some good lessons.

Sometimes the kids listen

Sometimes they don't, even when you tell them not to!! (Yellow hoodie)

One thing i noticed and continued noticing was that alot of the students from Greenwood come from extremely affluent backgrounds. I definitely had my ideas about what people in that socio economic bracket would be like but alot of my stereotypes were broken, especially by the tennis team. Their generosity, kindness and the majority of their behavior was a good reflection on people with a privileged background. Thumbs up to the parents i spose.

I repeated roughly this to the Springfield Newsleader who were covering the 100 year Greenwood celebrations but somehow it the article ended up saying. "Lorimer has had a bias toward teaching in this sort of setting due to his previous experiences in low socio economic settings" What??!! I wonder how people who are really famous feel? As for me, i was just glad to be in the paper.

One thing i did notice while teaching was that alot of students refused to take responsibility for their individual behaviour. As long as someone else was doing it apparently that made it ok. "Can you stop talking", "but he was talking as well" "Well i saw you talking, worry about yourself and as long as you are doing the right thing i won't be pulling you up" I don't know if that got through but all the best to em.

A lady invited me over to her house one Friday for a staff get together telling me it would be good for me to meet other people in the Greenwood community. She told me it was pretty low key and i decided to come. So i showed up to what i consider a gated community of Castles. I have never seen houses that big or that lovely. As i drove past the address she'd given me i noticed some people in black suits. I parked the car a bit up the street and walked down to the house closely followed by what i then realised were people dressed in black suits valet parking peoples cars! I got inside and there were waiters, horsdouvers and people downstairs serving drinks. Not being much of a high roller i talked to a few parents and then hung out with the kids that were there. They took me for a bit of a tour and I commented "This is such a nice house, it's huge" "Thanks, how big are houses in Australia?" I was asked and i estimated that ours would fit inside the middle of their three floors. "Wow, does everyone in Australia live in houses that small?"

So i stayed till the end of the night and found out this lady was wanting me to coach her son tennis and help out with math for a year or so. I told her about my plans with England so she gave me a bit of paper and said to look her up on the net, which i later did and found that she has been in charge of distributing 2.7 billion dollars through the Red Cross and holds some very prestigious volunteer work positions both in the U.S and overseas. One of which is being on the board of directors of an after school program (AfterSchool AllStars) with Arnold Swartzenegger who i may have recently declined speaking to, because i thought it would be better for the person like her on the phone to give my details in an american accent! Oops. It's probably for the best coz i could really see myself asking him to say "I'll be back" just before he hangs up.

I was supposed to hear from this organization a while ago and since i haven't i am now on my way out of America headed first to Seattle and Vancouver to have a look around. Germany to do much the same and then England to get a job casual relief teaching. I don't know where i will end up or what i will end up doing.

Which is why this picture is perfect

So i decided i cant wait forever and booked some flights and got ready to go. But before i left i found time over the last couple of weeks to get in.

My last church service at CCC

My last meal with SuperKev the minister (Soo's Korean, man it was good)

A volleyball match.

My first and last "football" game

And an Ice Hockey game with the most co-ordinated group cheer i have ever been a part of.

My last week has been spent cleaning, packing, slacking and stacking. It was fairly rushed and hasn't really hit home that i may not see a lot of these people again which makes me sad. I always wonder what a proper goodbye would look like. I still don't know, so today on the bus to Kansas City Airport i wrote a poem for everyone, people in Australia included.

Gate 43

People burst into my life
Bubbly, beautiful, brilliant, bright
But soon those bubbles burst in two
Leaving me wondering what to do
This makes me sick, i want to spew
Gone just after we had started
Developing a friendship, now departed
Sometimes its me that leaves them to hang
By moving on even though moving on stang
Move on we must, although there is loss
Otherwise we'd all grow a layer of moss
I now think ahead, sometime next week
Your presence i long, your company seek
"Lets meet over by that great big bear"
But i'm over here and you're over there
Its sad, in a moment we part ways, and thats it
We'll still communicate i'm sure, a bit
What a privilege it is to shed all these tears
That show what good friends i've had all these years
This cruel, depressing system of the departed
Emails and calls help us think we've outsmarted
But deep down inside i know what is true
I wish i could again, just spend time with you.

Goodbye Greenwood, Goodbye Springfield...for now.
Thanks for the memories.

007 "Oh Canada"

2007-09-02T17:31:00.000-07:00

Andrew left Holden Village and headed toward Canada. On the way pulling over for some ice cream and then into a town called concrete, briefly laughing at 'Concrete high school' before continuing. Soon the Red Rocket started picking up Canadian radio stations on which Andrew heard it was going to be 26 degrees the next day...'thats pretty cold', he thought and then realised they were talking in Celsius. Tears of happiness flowed freely.

The Red Rocket then hopped safely aboard the ferry. The other cars were very jealous because it was obviously the best looking car on the boat.

After a few hours on the water Andrew finally made it back to Canada. It was an emotional time hearing temperatures in Celsius and seeing speed signs in kilometers. Even the old Canada leaf bought back fond memories.

The first stop was Vancouver Island, (BC) British Columbia which locals say actually stands for Bring cash. When he asked for the price of a medium vegetarian pizza and was told $20.09 he laughed. Then, realising they weren't joking walked out and ate at a supermarket. It wasn't long before Andrew was dipping into the only reliable source of money he knows, ParentFund.

The first town he came across also bought back fond memories of his home state. Victoria. It was an absolutely stunning city. A city he could easily handle living in one day.

It came complete with classy buskers. Xylophone players from Africa and live statues from the flour factory. He even found time to rush around a titanic exhibit at the museum before finding a quality carpark for the night.

The next day he was up and ready to start the West Coast trail. A dream of his since returning to Australia in 2005. But soon Andrew got lost and then found a street that made him think he wasn't so lost after all. He was.

Eventually, after some helpful directions and a short boat ride he made it to the trail head of the West Coast trail setting a new world record for pack weight, 65 pounds. What he predicted to be a long 'walk in the park' suddenly became a whole lot harder.

A lot of the 75km track involved rock hopping and negotiating slippery rock pools which in turn meant lots of falls. A 9 on the Moro scale in some places. But with views like this Andrew wasn't going to complain. (Click to enlarge)

So the walking began and before long Andrew was sweating up his own ocean. He sat down for a break when suddenly, Sammy the slug appeared and challenged him to a race. Andrew lost. Sammy got stomped on.

Then Benny Banana slug came and told Andrew off. But Benny was immediately airmailed to the nearby monkeys who'd escaped from the Zoo.

Soon after that Slimy Stacey came and asked where her friends had gone. Andrew quickly diverted the conversation to baseball, home runs and batting averages. Stacey had no idea what he was talking about nor did she understand the fact that he had a massive slug% and was about to go 3 from 3 during this outing at Bush stadium.

The match was over and Andrew kept walking.

Then he found someone else to race. He lost again, but the smart seal screamed before Andrew had a chance to do anything.

Andrew decided the home fans wouldn't appreciate his previous tactics anyway, so he left before the crowd mobbed him.

Andrew snuck away, past a wall where both slugs and seals mount their victims. It looked as if he'd escape. But just as he thought he was safe, Andrew slipped and fell, lucky not to end up in a surge channel. This drew the attention of the head seal Simon who then barked orders at his ranks. "Simon says, seek and destroy" he screamed. The chase was on, if caught Andrews fate was sealed.

He started running. He ran past the St Louis arch

Through masses of messy mud.

Up lots of ladders.

Over a board walk.

And across a suspension bridge.

He then came to a magical garden where he tried to make friends with some other slugs. But they had already heard the news, so Andrew quickly ran before they could surround him.

He ran and hid behind some logs

And rested for a while.

Long enough to see the sun go down and pitch his somewhat slug and seal proof tent.

Even when he is being chased by crazy Canadian slugs Andrew still loves sunsets.

He woke up early the next morning and made a plan that involved brainwashing an innocent little creature. He kept repeating "See An enemy" while pointing to the seals and slugs still chasing him.

The war was intense, casualties strewn along the beach.

Ironic, since the West Coast trail was built to reduce casualties from Shipwrecks by providing a way for people to get to safety.

As the sky darkened safety was all that was on Andrews mind as he hurried toward the lighthouse with the slugs trailing close behind.

On his way Andrew met an Englishman who told him about a friend of his who went to Australia. He told him his friend was applying for a visa and being asked the usual questions by the consulate 'Do you have a criminal record' he was asked. 'Is that still a requirement' he replied.

As funny as he thought it was Andrew threw him off the cliff to the legion of advancing slugs. And while up at the lighthouse came up with another plan to shake his pursuers.

He decided to try lose them in a labyrinth.

The plan bought him some time and he met the friendly lighthouse keeper who let him take a photo through his telescope. Andrew realised he'd made enough enemies and decided not to shout out 'baldy baldy' to this eagle.

Instead he continued on the journey hoping to find somewhere safe to spend the night.

Eventually he found a nice place and some human company as well. He felt safe as he was offered drinks and heard talk about the school he was actually planning to teach at. The world definitely seemed like a small place. Certainly too small for humans and slugs to co-exist!

So Andrew picked up this ninja star and put in his pack.

And put this view in his memory bank.

As well as this one.

That night Andrew slept in and by the time he woke up the slugs and seals had set boobie traps all over the slippery rocks, making them even more slippery. He had to be very careful. Even more careful because that morning he met another cheeky Englishman who offered him some trail mix, hoping to reduce his pack weight. Andrews hesitation to say 'no' was taken as a 'yes' as the Englishman left the bag on a log beside Andrew and left.

Now burdened with some extra weight Andrew packed his gear and started walking. After a few hours he heard a loud noise running into the bushes. Andrew nearly wet his pants but then realised it wasn't a slug, just a bear. This was one of the highlights of his trip. Up close and personal with an adult bear, in the wild and all alone. Andrew took photos and then questioned the bear about the current tension between humans and slugs.

Too sensitive a topic to bring up, the bear started getting angry. Located downhill, yet up a tree, the bear was at eye level with Andrew who was surprisingly calm throughout the emotion charged interview.

After he could bear no more, Andrew left, heading past a swamp.

Then making it safely to the second and final ferry on the track.

Finally he had a reason to smile, there was no way the slugs could swim across this much water.

Andrew relaxed a little and started to take in the beauty the overcast day presented him with.

But soon he had other things to worry about. The footprints of a familiar friend were found headed across the same set of sand he was about to traverse.

Then the fresh rain came down and the not so fresh water Andrew had been drinking caught up with him. Barely making it to the toilet Andrew was well and truly relieved by the time he was done.

After continuing on in the rain for another few hours Andrew finally made it to camp for the night. He set up his wet tent and unpacked his soaking gear before finding some clean rainwater the slugs hadn't yet poisoned.

After a short nights sleep Andrew woke early and headed for then end of the track. During the first hour his body completely hit the wall. Luckily some unwanted trail mix revived him and provided the energy needed to pull of the final 17km. With 3km to go he slipped and fell on a muddy slope re-injuring his knee and nearly being overtaken by the advancing slugs who had hitchhiked across the water on the seals backs. Despite his body complaining Andrew pressed on, making it to the end of the track. Tired, exhausted and willing to pay $60 for a 3 hour bus ride back to the car.

Once back at the Red Rocket he paid $1 to have a shower before heading back to Victoria. On the way he picked up some hitchhikers. One was from Australia, the other from NZ. Having just put his backpack in the boot Andrew removed it and put it inside the car to make room for the New Zealander!

United by homelessness he found them a backpackers hostel then went off to find himself a good carpark for the night. His search successful as he found the best carpark of the trip. So good in-fact that he stayed there for two nights.

The next day Andrew made his way to Butchart gardens to take some pretty flower photos for his mum; another tactic to keep sponsorship money coming.

There were Orange ones

Pink ones

Yellow trumpet flowers and even a hummingbird buzzing around, which Andrew mistook for an extra large bee.

After that it was time to head back to the mainland and toward a province once seen in 2005.

The drive was longer than Tiger Woods could ever dream about as Andrew went on a national park blitz, touring 4 of them in the same day.

This was the first sign Andrew actually listened to.

Andrew then fell in this lake trying to walk across some floating logs. Then fell a second time before making it across. Spectators enjoyed the show and even requested he fall in again on purpose.

Looking as if he'd wet his pants Andrew got back in the car. The Red Rocket then took him past glacier fed lakes.

And other things you'd expect to see in the beautiful Canadian rockies.

What he didn't expect was to be sitting on the same rock he'd sat on two years earlier.

But there he was, at the same lake sitting on the same rock with a slightly different hairdo (or perhaps a hairdont!)

That was just the start of the memories to come

Here at the Chateau Banff he remembered the exact window he sat by on a rainy day talking to a window cleaner while eating Doritos. It's amazing the things he remembered while back in Banff.

It was a very special time, full of good memories. Like the time two years ago when a 58 year old woman smoked him up the Middle Sister.

After soaking in as much as one night would allow he started on his way back down to American soil, passing some brilliant sights on the way. It was a spectacular drive, made even more spectacular by a grizzly bear running infront of the car and into the bushes.

This golf course was only a shadow of the beauty seen on that drive

Soon it was time for Andrew hide all the illegal objects he'd gathered in Canada. Border Patrol opened the boot and begun their search until Andrew explained that the trunk is at the front of an elephant. So for the next 5 minutes they gave the Red Rocket an engine inspection. Seeing everything was in order they let him cross the border.

Onward to the land of the free and the home of the really cheap petrol. Fuel prices plummetting once across the border.

Into Montana and through Glacier National park he went.

Stopping occasionally to see the sights. Andrew climbed up a waterfall and made his way to the snow to produce another award winning film.

Taking out the secret ingredient from his pack (Grenadine) he made himself a genuine snowcone.

This mountain goat wanted some but Andrew said he'd trade it for some goats milk. The goat refused and so Andrew kept walking.

This time stopping every few steps to appreciate the beauty spread out before him. Alone on the track, nothing could be more perfect.

Or could it?

Andrew didn't know what to think anymore as he made his way back to the information centre. This was perfect, perfect weather, perfect views.

All this perfection was just too much.

Even when he got back on a track with everyone else the views continued to leave him speechless.

The track was where he met some more mountain goats who had also heard about his famous snow cones. His heart melted when he saw the baby goat so he made them an extra big one. The red colouring and the sugar was too much for the little kid who had a sugar seizure.

Andrew quickly ran from there, spending the night in a Missoula carpark before heading through Idaho and on to the Grand Tetons National park in Wyoming.

It was another beautiful national park and Andrew came across another bear. This one was less scared and more intimidating than the last one. Andrew got up close enough that two ladies hiking downhill told him off. Their warning fell on deaf ears as the excitement of seeing a bear outweighed any sense Andrew had. By filming to close Andrew recognized the bear was giving the same advice so he hurried up the hill to resume his film.

Luckily at the top of the mountain Andrew met some guys who agreed to walk back down with him. After Andrew had taken a few quick snaps they headed back down, Andrew having the privelledge of meeting two really cool guys from Easside. Later that night after they'd recovered their friend (on the left) who had been followed by a bear they ate some fish for dinner given to Andrew by a random passerby. After relaxing the next day they all headed into Jackson for a buffet. Walk in waddle out.

After the waddling was said and done Andrew left for Yellowstone National Park. It was very different to the other national parks. Bubbling springs and steamy geysers everywhere.

There were also great big bison patrolling the roads.

There was waterfalls

Canyons

Misty goodness.

And weird rock formations

This was actually solidified steam or something like that.

It was very different.

Distracted by all the new and exciting things Andrew forgot about the slugs who had now made their way down to Wyoming and set up a battle camp.

Andrew still had time to get a quick look at Old Faithful

But even she seemed angry with him.

So there he was trapped in the middle of a battle he no longer wanted to fight.

But still he took the time to enjoy what may be his last ever sunset.

But the next day something amazing happened. Andrew begged an old woman for some slug bait and he put it in the boiling water. The slugs fell in and were all boiled up. The orange around the edges is dead slug guts.

He stirred the mixture round and roasted them all up

Adding some goats milk he stole off little kid.

To celebrate he left and went to a Rodeo. The first one he'd ever been too.

It was so much fun.

But then it was over and time for everyone to go home.

But Andrew didn't have a home to go to, so he found a carpark.

This was the view Andrew had as he woke up early for a long drive to South Dakota.

On the way he stopped at Devils monument and wondered how all those people from Wyoming fit it on their numberplate's

It was big and steep and pretty.

That day he also saw his first Prairie Dog. But they were too quick to catch and put inside a bun with mustard and ketchup so he gave up and kept driving to South Dakota.

Once he got there he met his friend Jen and they went to a cave.

A wind cave, unlike anything he'd ever seen.

Then they went rock climbing and Andrew wasn't very good.

Then they met another good friend. His name was George Washington.

Andrew didn't know how good a friends Jen was with George

Apparently very good.

Andrew greeted him less formally.

Then he said goodbye to Jen and George and left for Badlands National park.

That day he was wearing nice clothes, so he took a photo of himself.

Then he tried to take another, but he was too slow.

That made him sad, but then it was off to visit his friend Lindsey in Minnesota.

He was very happy to be near the end of his journey and when he arrived it didn't take long for things to get back to normal. Lindsey making a foolish bet that Andrew couldn't sit through a sermon at her church without tuning out. He did, but Lindsey still hasn't paid up.

The next day they went to Valley fair and got wet and dizzy and sick.

"Some Jet skiing might make you feel better", Lindsey said. Andrew agreed.

After that he tried water skiing. It took Andrew more than 10 times but eventually he stood up. Nobody knows what took more of a beating that day, his pride or his body.

After that they played some golf and then Andrew left to go to Kansas City.

And play some more golf. Neither time went well.

But at least Andrew got to wear nice clothes again.

Robby did too, but nice clothes couldn't help him dig his ball out of this bunker. Andrew dialled 1100 to make sure it was alright to get the ball back.

Leaving goal 6 unachieved, this was the only birdie Andrew would see on Tiffany Greens golf course. He still can't believe he paid $40 to be tortured for 4 hours.

He was so mad that he drove straight back to Springfield completing a roughly 9,000 mile loop which passed through over 20 National Parks. This was undoubtedly the best holiday ever. A rich experience that he will remember for the rest of his life.

The trip ended the way it started, with a near car crash. This time Andrew assumed a two way stop sign was a four and nearly got T-boned minutes before reaching this familiar building where it all began. Woods House. A sight for sore eyes, glad to be back in the field for one last stint...or maybe more???

Since last blog Goals 14 and 8 have been achieved, although Goal 8 was an improvised using a cardboard box.

Also thanks to every single person that made this trip possible, your kindness, generosity and care is so very much appreciated, probably much more than you'll ever know.

-Andrew-

Spiritual Update 004

2007-08-26T15:30:00.001-07:00

So many thoughts have been running around in my head in the past months that I don’t even know how to start writing about them. So much has gone on, so many experiences have been had and so many questions have been raised.

I know my faith is changing and it scares me a little, but it probably scares some of those who know me even more. Part of this has been due to a two week trip to Holden Village, a Lutheran retreat center. Here’s some things that happened there.

Holden Village

I arrived at Holden the day after the Village celebrated a gay pride festival, some of the rainbow flags still blowing in the breeze. As soon as I saw them I knew my time there was going to be a mind stretching experience. I purposely took the time to meet and talk with people about that issue in particular.

My first insight was that the culture I’m a part of and my feelings about women really affect my reading of Scripture that deals with women having roles and authority in the church. I think people at Holden deal with their reading of the passages on homosexuality in much the same way. Both our interpretations are more colored by feelings than information and the information we look at is largely to support conclusions we’ve already come to. The heart behind both these interpretations is a good one that doesn’t want these communities to be mistreated or denied things like they have in the past. It doesn’t mean either of them is right though.

I remember sitting in a rubber tube just laying there wishing I could deal with the Bible honestly and not knowing how to do so independent of my feelings, desires and other outside influences. I did some mega soul searching while I was at Holden with the whole queer issue, trying to figure out what I think and why I thought it was so important. Here are a few more things I found.

I think the reason why a lot of people are so worried (myself included) is that they lack understanding of both the issue and those who are oriented this way. All this does is create, ignorance, misunderstanding and hate. Another reason I have made such a big deal about it is that it’s something that disgusts me. That has caused me to write it off without ever looking into it. But there are a lot of things that are clearly sinful which I should be disgusted by but aren’t. Greed, materialism, gluttony, oppression. Therefore my feelings don’t really count for too much. Hopefully as I become more like Jesus, what God calls good I’ll call good and what God calls sin so will I.

I’ve also been thinking about tolerance and how the people at Holden are tolerant of the queer community but in doing so have become intolerant toward those who aren’t. It’s funny because that’s what I feel is happening with me. In becoming more tolerant toward those who are more liberal I find I’m losing patience with the more conservative people I know. It’s a shame, because I think some people feel they are becoming more tolerant when they do this. However, tolerance or grace has not increased but has just been transferred from one group of people to another. I don’t even like the word tolerance because it to me it suggests to, ‘just put up with’ rather than be involved with, to care for and meet the needs of.

Time and a Sabbath days rest.

I went to a seminar on the Sabbath and realise I don’t take this command nearly seriously enough, not even close.

We constantly keep track of it, dividing it, overfilling it, worrying about it, needing more of it, running out of it and advertising products to save it. It is both an enemy and an ally, but more often an enemy. If our computer takes more than 15 seconds to load we need a new one. If we can’t overtake someone in front of us travelling 5 under the speed limit we feel like slapping someone (at least I do). Impatience is everywhere, yet the Bible says ‘love is patient’. In the session it was suggested that time is a spiritual problem. The way we approach time is much different than those who lived before us. Its really interesting.

It’s fair enough that we don’t want to waste this life away and I think a lot of busyness in Christian circles, comes from a good heart and a desire to serve God with our time. Yet it seems that God has a slightly different idea about how we can best be using our time than some of us do. If our computer takes more than 15 seconds to load we need a new one. If we can’t overtake someone in front of us travelling 5 under the speed limit we feel like slapping someone (at least I do). Impatience is everywhere, yet the Bible says ‘love is patient’.

Heres just a few things I found interesting about taking a Sabbath days rest.

Taking a days rest gives us time to reflect on our past 6 days work, mirroring another part of the Biblical story where God does the same.

It’s not only a time to refrain from work but an opportunity to do something special. To enjoy creation, others and life. So maybe that gives me a reason to dress up for church. I’ve always hated the idea because I see it as an extension of people dressing up their hearts and pretending to be someone they’re not. I also haven’t liked the idea because those who don’t have or can’t afford nice (Sunday best) clothes may feel out of place.

The Sabbath is observed enjoy the freedom we have and to remember the freedom God gave Israel from their slavery in Egypt. Freedom to allow them to actually have a day off to rest I would imagine.

(Deuteronomy 5:12-15) "Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the LORD your God has commanded you. Six days you shall labour and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your ox, your donkey or any of your animals, nor the alien within your gates, so that your manservant and maidservant may rest, as you do. Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore the LORD your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day.

Being out in the mountains I’ve been able to relax and not be all rush, rush, deadline this, 3:30 that. Its just nice. Nice to lose track of time, nice to forget about deadlines and nice to have time to ‘be still and know that God is God’ Lee see how I go now I’m back in the real world. It really is a step of faith to obey God in this because the rest of the world is telling us to speed up, work harder and get more in. I’ve been sucked in, have you?

Old Testament stuff

Its been pretty exciting seeing the parallels, continuity and connectedness of the Old and New Testaments.

Speaking of the Old Testament I have slowly started working through it realising even more that the Bible is one big story that we are a part of. The New Testament makes absolutely no sense without it.

Even though I’m discovering these things it’s still been hard for me to slug my way through Leviticus. Some of the stuff in there seems really sexist and disgusting to me. Here’s an example.

(Leviticus 21:16-21) Then the Lord said to Moses, “Give the following instructions to Aaron: In all future generations, none of your descendants who has any defect will qualify to offer food to his God. No one who has a defect qualifies, whether he is blind, lame, disfigured, deformed, or has a broken foot or arm, or is hunchbacked or dwarfed, or has a defective eye, or skin sores or scabs, or damaged testicles. No descendant of Aaron who has a defect may approach the altar to present special gifts to the Lord. Since he has a defect, he may not approach the altar to offer food to his God.

And another

(Leviticus 27:1-8) The Lord said to Moses, “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel. If anyone makes a special vow to dedicate someone to the Lord by paying the value of that person, here is the scale of values to be used. A man between the ages of twenty and sixty is valued at fifty shekels of silver, as measured by the sanctuary shekel. A woman of that age is valued at thirty shekels of silver. A boy between the ages of five and twenty is valued at twenty shekels of silver; a girl of that age is valued at ten shekels of silver. A boy between the ages of one month and five years is valued at five shekels of silver; a girl of that age is valued at three shekels of silver. A man older than sixty is valued at fifteen shekels of silver; a woman of that age is valued at ten shekelsof silver. If you desire to make such a vow but cannot afford to pay the required amount, take the person to the priest. He will determine the amount for you to pay based on what you can afford.

I recently was telling someone about the latter passage and found it weird that ‘The Lord said to Moses’ the males were worth more. He told me a genuine truth seeker wouldn’t write off the possibility that men are actually worth more than women. But even allowing that to be an option seems wrong to me; so again I come to the text with all my preconceived ideas and cultural baggage and I write it off as a valid option before even beginning any serious study.

Keeping an honest and open mind in this instance would be extremely unpopular. Do I really want the truth at all costs? I don’t know.

Those two passages make me wonder if what is attributed to God was really what was said. Has what God said been influenced by the practices and culture of the time??

A genderless God?

I remember at Y.I.T.S (Year in the Son) having the option to write an essay on the femininity of God, and I also remember turning it down because it was too hard!! Turns out it’s come back and found me as lately I’ve been forced to think about the genderlessness of God. Already straddling the fence on this topic I’ve find myself being pushed to one side through meeting some feminists who are dead against reducing God to a sex. I do think God is beyond that, even though it was weird to hear God referred to as she. It was also foreign to hear someone who gets upset when God is referred to in the masculine.

I think people confine God to a gender to make him/her more personal and to help them get a picture in their minds. Without a gender I can’t get a picture God very well at all but I don’t think God ever intended to be reduced to a mere picture.

Judgement & Money

It started with talking about how people can possibly sell or spend $20,000 on a cat, which soon turned into a talk about how anyone can justify spending a lot of money on a nice meal when there are people starving, and there is so much better stuff we can be doing with our money.

Needless to say, I was arguing against spending lots of money but after a long conversation I’ve become convinced that even if it doesn’t seem, ‘worth it to me’ to spend $50 on a meal it can be ‘worth it’ to others. To be honest, a lot of people may look at me spending thousands of dollars on this trip and think the same thing but it really has been ‘worth it’ to me. In the same way I can’t understand how someone can spend $100 on a concert, I must realise others can’t understand how I could spend $200 on a pair of hiking boots. One of my favourite quotes seems relevant again ‘Seek first to understand, then be understood’.

I realised I’ve been applying my own personal convictions to everyone else’s lives; but life is not as simple or as black and white as that. Most, if not all ethics aren’t a one-size-fits-all deal, they apply on a person to person basis . So while I can’t question the fact that it is worth it to them. I can as them ‘What makes it worth it to you?’ which is a much less judgemental position to take.

I remember playing golf with Derek and finding out he was thinking about buying an expensive guitar which I just hammered him for. It was pretty disgusting of me. There I was, telling him it wasn’t worth his money, when for him it obviously was. What I did was as stupid as trying to convince someone their ankle isn’t broken and they should get back on the field. Sorry about that Derek.

I guess this attitude spills over into other areas too. Respecting the fact that other people eat meat “because it’s worth it to them”. Realising that others are comfortable with more intimate physical contact than I would be in a relationship, etc. I hope this conversation will continue to remind me to be more graceful and seek first to understand others along with their situations and personalities.

Environment??

After getting back from this trip and seeing the things I’ve seen and doing the things I’ve done I more than anyone should be challenged to think about the environment and make earth friendly choices. I’d love for my kids to be able to see stuff like that…I guess I’ll need some kids first!!

Some thoughts on the Bible

Maybe it’s not about whether the Bible is 100% inerrant on every little detail but whether or not we can trust it. Although they don’t have a perfect track record, we can confidently put trust in our friends with a secret. In the same way I think we can trust the Bible. And we must trust that God is guiding our reading of it

I read something about the Biblical inerrancy doctrine coming about as a rebuttal to the idea of the inerrancy of the pope. Although having been accurate so many times before in many different areas the Bible gets the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.

I guess now I don’t see the proven otherwise as such a big deal. A while back I think if any one thing in the Bible was not completely accurate my faith would’ve fallen apart. One example in the Bible I have never found a good answer to is when God says ‘Man shall no longer live more than 120 years’ yet there is record in the Bible and even today of people whose lives lasted longer.

Vespers (Services at Holden)

I struggled singing the hymns in tune and even with following the song. I struggled with knowing when to stand and sit. Having no idea when they’d come up I missed several congregational responses, the others I missed because I didn’t know the words. I was a D+ Lutheran at best.

I still did love a lot about the services at Holden. There were a lot of traditions and different expressions of worship that I don’t usually experience in the churches I go to.

I loved how they light candles and pray

I loved the words to some of the hymns out of the hymn book. I still need Will Chiles to find the lyrics to 578 for me, maybe its 587. Thanks Will!!

I loved singing prayers while thinking about my friends. “Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy”.

I loved how after a Bible passage was read the reader would say ‘word of God, word of life’ and then the congregation would say ‘thanks be to God’ although I did catch myself after only a few days just saying it without meaning it or even thinking about it which is the trouble with tradition. It can easily become meaningless repetition. But then the flip side which I have been on is always coming up with new ways to say something to God, constantly reinventing the wheel.

Singing songs another person has written can be a humbling thing as by singing them in some way I’m admitting that someone else has already said it better than I ever could. I feel like that with the psalms sometimes but I guess the trouble is that not every song that gets sung resounds with my experience of God.

Speaking of praising God I feel like I have found a really good reason to speak in tongues. So many people I have met that do just freak me out and I’d never want to be like them. But on this trip I have felt like thanking God and just couldn’t because I knew words just weren’t enough, how could they be. That is when I’ve felt like speaking in tongues would be useful for me.

Well that’s about it. Lately I’ve done a lot of things that I am terrible at. Golf, climbing and ice skating. Its interesting going from being skilled to being a complete unco without a clue. I don’t think I’ve learned anything from it yet but it’s interesting to make the transition from expert to newbie, teacher to learner.

Righteo, on the flip side.

Holden: Drive On

2007-08-03T22:59:00.000-07:00

After arriving at the Chelan visitors centre and being informed that he missed the only ferry for the day, Andrew sped up stream to Fields Point Landing, the only other stop he could board the ferry at. The red rocket truly lived up to it's name and managed to get Andrew there just in time, though not quite enough time to get out the money required for a return ticket. Andrew knew that problem would be easily resolved as he was convinced that by the end of two weeks literally hundreds of people fed up with his stench would be throwing cash at him.

So he jumped on the boat to Holden village and within a few hours was docked at Lucerne and taking a bus up the mountains in to the village. This village is more remote than even the fanciest pay TV controller. It has no outside road access, no phone reception, and an internet connection slower than a high schooler "taking a toilet break". Adding to it's wilderness charm is the fact that it's set in the prettiest mountains imaginable.

Even the building they had services in was beautiful. But not as beautiful as the people Andrew met. One being another great Chiles that endured many trials and hiked with him for miles, who's now added to the piles of files containing great people Andrew's had the privelledge of meeting. It was quite a thrill for him to meet a young man named Will.

After a few days of work Andrew wrote in complaining of RSI (Really Slack Infection) and got some time off to go hiking with lead cook, Will, who misplaced the insect repellent causing an unthinkable number of mosquito casualties. Speaking of casualties none were caused by the above, but...

Many had gone before them and lost their lives on this stretch of snow.

But once again, any danger they faced was far outweighed by the many beautiful rewards.

Thinking about all that death gave Andrew a new outlook on life.

Not satisfied with just thinking about death, on the way back Andrew suggested walking on this ice. Maturity prevailed, and the boys continued their walk.

On the way back Andrew stopped to read. "Reading's cool!" he joked. Will retaliated "I wouldn't WARNTER-FALL" he said, as he played a mini trick (some call a trickle) on Andrew who dripped over. Presumably this was to teach him a lesson for making terrible jokes. Andrew wondered if that outburst was really set off by something deeper. 'Maybe it's my unwashed hands or maybe my choice of kitchen music' he thought, 'then again maybe my jokes are really that bad.'

A week or so later both Andrew and Will took off with two others in search of some elusive phone reception.

This involved a 5am wake up and some foward planning. They had to be up Mt Fernow by 2:30 for Chris' phone interview.

Up they hiked. Up, Up, Up

But not as high as what they next saw. Overhead the boys spotted what they believe was Air force 1 (the presidents private plane) closely guarded by a jet. They all took turns shouting suggestions about how the U.S should be governed...

That is, until Andrew saw a rocket headed straight for them. "Here it comes" Andrew cried.

Scott paid no attention and continued to drink his water. The rocket hit him and gave him a hairy face and made him look strangely similar to Andrews acquired brother Glenn Foster.

In spite of that unfortunate event the boys pressed on. Someone in a different direction.

Someone went in a different direction. Thinking he could climb over a tiny ridge and walk to where the others were heading Andrew wandered off. Will followed, probably more out of concern than that he actually thought Andrew could have possibly chosen a good path. Andrew assured Will things would get easier.

This 'little ridge' got bigger and bigger and steeper and steeper. Eventually Andrew stepped on some loose rocks and sent down a landslide that narrowly missed Will. That was the angriest he saw Will, who then climbed up next to him and suggested a new plan. Follow the leader!

Unable to head back down where they came up, Will and Andrew spent an hour climbing sideways to where the others were. The only casualty was the loss of a hiking pole.

The group was reformed and were soon ready to make up for lost time but when another poor path was chosen the remaining majority of the ascent was spent climbing up rocks that were loose, steep and dangerous. Without ropes and without a clue Andrew was convinced at least one person would be carried away in a helicopter and he was nearly right as Scott sent down a big rock at Will and Chris who ducked out of the way. The climbing got harder and for some panic set in. The interview suddenly took a back seat and the guys became far more worried about was getting out of this mess safely.

The climbing eventually turned back into a more manageable scramble and the group finally completed their quest. Chris found his reception with literally a minute or two to spare and took his high altitude phone interview. (This was the peak he took his interview on, look closely and you can see him) Short of breath from both the altitude gain and the hike Chris still managed to cough up a few good words because the next day he was given the job.

The interview was not the only breathtaking view. While Chris was on the phone the other three were keeping themselves busy drinking, eating and looking at majestic scenery like this. Not even Wills photography skills and million-megapixel camera could capture it all.

Soon after Chris got done it was time to head back down. Going down was much easier, and much less scary than Andrew anticipated. Some of the guys glissaded down the snow (gliding without ski's)

While others who weren't so coordinated slid down on their backsides. In fact, some spent so much time on their backsides that their rumps turned numb enough not to feel the many cuts inflicted upon them. The discovery of cuts came later that night as the shorts were removed to find the usual white insides had magically turned red.

Some glissading attempts can be viewed at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3fasP-yhos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uh_DOYzFYHk

A bleeding rump and bleeding elbows weren't enough to stop Andrew going on another hike. This time to Holden lake. On the way there were some pretty clouds that looked like sheep.

"How cool are they?" Andrew asked

"Pretty cool," said the friendly marmot who Andrew offended by mistaking for a beaver.

There was no mistaking this animal which Andrew had been longing to see ever since he took off on this adventure. He was led to it with less than an hour left at Holden Village.

It was a cute little bear cub. "His mother was nowhere to be seen, so it was obviously safe to take a video" Andrew reasoned. The more sensible bystanders disagreed but at least hung around as bait while Andrew got some footage.

Then it was time for Andrew to say goodbye to all the great people he had met at Holden Village. Here are some pictures of the people he met. The camera got switched to Sepia while Andrew remained on stupid mode.

Annie got rained on.

Jen died a horrible death, choking on her own cheeky tongue.

Scott got caught pinching a loaf (if you dont know what that means don't worry)

And Joy, clearly beaten by the 'ball of the century' walked for a duck. (Went 'out' scoring O runs)

Now desperate to get rid of him, some girls dragged a log over and pleaded with Andrew to get on and drift back to civilization. The disappointed girls soon realised Andrew was too uncoordinated to hop on and wouldn't you know it, Andrew somehow did end up with enough money for a ticket back to Chelan

Andrew then waved goodbye and boarded the 'Lady of the Lake' to begin the next chapter of this adventure.

After leaving Holden, Andrew discovered a program that can make panoramas. Here are some of the earlier pictures he took. If you can't see them very well CLICK TO ENLARGE because they are amazing.

The above was of Mt St Helens

This is the Oregon coast

And this is Crater Lake.

Andrew also spotted a lot of animals along the way and discovered putting films on youtube wasn't as hard as he thought so here are some of the videos of the Weird and Wonderful Wildlife he came into contact with.

Bear http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reg24mKVf64
Baby Bear http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Miq1sTXfXno
Deer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmKqq6Ps1uY
Marmot http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sr6CcJ8GM2k
Bison http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgiX6Jm3O8k
Kitchen staff http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=de7w5-OxxP4

Time to drive on...

Some Poems

2007-07-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

Gratitude

Each day i wake up yet continue this dream
A fairy story complete, with scones and whipped cream
Dare i dream more, dare i even ask?
In beauty and goodness, that's where i bask
What an adventure, what could be truer
"Nothing", I claim as my days here get fewer
Tears of gratitude, tears of thanks
But none from overly hard wooden spoon spanks
Tears at the beauty i've come and i've seen
Tears for the good things where God's clearly been
Tears for the bear that i saw in the trees
Even tears when the radio first spoke in degrees
Who knows if these tears are best left unshed
As thoughts and emotions running round in my head
Yes i'm thankful to all who have got me this far
From a flight overseas to the Red Rocket car
For all the people i've been able to meet
Who are more than just artificially sweet
Those who've been loving and generous and kind
Whose offers of showers are sometimes declined
Who put up with my stench and yet don't seem to mind
And those who i've talked to and gone fairly deep
Even those who have woken me up from my sleep
Sleep that gives way to a much bigger dream
Is this life real? So it would seem
Only missing two things in this perfect dream life
Two big biceps and a hiking guide wife!

Beauty

Let loose on this earth, and left to ponder
Is there something more, is it over yonder
Can the beauty i've seen be captured and caught
Can it be framed and then sold and then bought
Is it something that speaks of something much more
Something far more beautiful than i've seen before
Is that even possible? Can that be true?
I'm not one hundred percent certain, are you?
Beauty indescribable beyond mere words
And to try would equate to piling up turds
Even photos and videos can't do it justice
You're invited to 'come and see, feel and touch this'
This beauty i see and the things that i find
Speaks very much to me of an infinite mind
Is it that beauty is speaking in morse
Beckoning us to come search for its source
Reflections, sounds, echoes of a voice
In beauty humanity will always rejoice.

006 Life after Mark

2007-06-27T18:21:00.000-07:00

Life after Mark

Mark left from Oakland Airport and Andrew went to San Fransisco and was sad.

It was a completely different world without him.

Andrew didn't have any rice, so he went and got some from an Indian buffet. This made him feel better...and worse.

He ended up getting lost and had to run with a full tummy back up steep hills to his car to beat Mr Parking Inspector. He did.

But when he was running he ran into an old lady and knocked her over and had to go to jail.

He took some photos to help plan an escape.

This was the cage they put him in.

It was a long way to swim, and he didn't even have floaties.

But he knew a secret Seal whistle and a seal came and gave him a ride back to the mainland. When they got back the dad seal wasn't happy with his daughter for helping a criminal so he pushed her off the edge of his house and told her never to come back, but she did and so he pushed her off again.

Andrew snuck away and was still feeling lonely. But God showed him he cared very much and one lady gave him $90 (read Spiritual update 003 for full story)

Andrew went to Point Reyes to do another hike.

It was the best one yet.

It had waterfalls on the beach

And rocks to climb up.

And friendly deer

And lakes

And streams to test his new waterproof boots out in

And the prettiest views ever with nobody else around to spoil them.

But it did have windy tracks to get lost on.

And lots of poison ivy too. Andrew fell over in it trying to find the right track to go on.

It took him a long time but eventually he found the right track and he still had a long way to walk and it was going to be dark soon. He found a thirsty deer on the track and decided to go another way (another amazing Story told in full in Spiritual update 003)

He ended up 20 miles away from Red Rocket but some nice people gave him a lift.

And some even nicer people took him into their house and gave him food and a shower and helped him get some cream for his poison ivy. The ladies name was Ella and the mans name was Kit.

Andrew said goodbye and went on another backcountry hike.

This one was at Caribou Lakes and it was in the middle of nowhere and Andrew was scared.

But he found two guys and they protected him from the bears.

But they weren't brave enough to protect their food so they hung it in a tree.

And then watched the most amazing sunset ever.

All by themselves on the top of a mountain.

The next day they saw a few more things and then Andrew had to leave and go back by himself but he wasnt as scared now.

It was a long way back down

Andrew got very tired.

But that was ok because when he went to pick up his extra food from a resort he was offered a place to stay for the night and a job. They even fed him a barbecue with grown ups drinks. That night a bear came around and chewed on the building Andrew was sleeping in. He was afraid because his door couldn't lock but he tried to look at the bear anyway.

He couldn't see it or take the job so he said goodbye and went to Lassen National Park

On his way there he drove past a church but decided not to go because it wasn't going to be very exciting. It was also a Thursday and church is on Sunday .

Also before he got there he stopped in Red bluff and took his mothers advice to not stay in the car. He paid money to stay in a campground where he got a $50 fine for parking on the grass. He didn't read the signs but the park ranger wouldn't believe him or listen to his story.

But Andrew forgot about it and climbed up a mountain, but then remembered it again.

But then he talked to the great white tree whol told him to "Look on the bright side"

So he did.

There was lots of bright side to look at.

And even more the next day when Andrew got up really early to watch the sunrise.

It was beautiful

Then he climbed a mountain and reach the top before anyone else. His mobile phone was working at the top so he made a few phone calls and then he heard someone say "Hippo criteria" but he didn't care because nobody else was there and it must have been the wind and it didn't make sense anyway.

Then he left the park and saw some other cool stuff, like this.

And this

And he prooved that everything is bigger in america.

Then he drove past a place with a funny name.

He spent the whole time there making up jokes about the town and thinking of funny situations like having the annual "Weed festival". Here is an example of some of his thoughts. "Mum i know my clothes stink but i refuse to wash them in weed, i'm also not going to spend the night in weed either. I did use the weed post office and weed outside as well. I hope nobody saw me.

Andrew couldn't resist and went to the tourist information and asked "Is this Weed information" "Yes" the lady replied "Good, can you tell me where I can find the nearest dealer" Andrew asked. The lady didn't hit him and wasn't angry.

People must think Andrew is a gardener coz they keep asking him for things like weed and whether he has any herb. In Mt Shasta a black guy name Ronnie asked him if he wanted a bud, I guess he thought Andrew would be good at growing it. When Andrew said "no thanks" the guy said "man, wid hair like that ya'll representin"

Andrew then went to Crater Lake and did a hike late in the day

And had the top all to himself

He even had time to take two photos at the top before it got dark and he had to go down.

Actually he took 3 because he couldn't decide which one was best again.

Then it was time to go and visit his friend Stephanie in Eugene. Her boyfriend Bob was there too.

After a delicious home cooked pizza and a good night sleep in a bed they got up early and went bargain hunting. Stephanie and Bob were worse than Andrew. They filled a whole trolley and Andrew just got a book. Then they went to the coast and on the way they sampled some free wine which was as delicious as the home cooked pizza which was pretty delicious.

They also walked by a stream and saw this sign. Andrew wants his 25 cents back.

That night they played a card game.

It wasn't actually bridge but lets pretend it was.

The winner of the game was Golden Gate

As well as a phone it also had a sunset

It was by far the best at this game

By far.

The next day they went to church and Andrew was trying to decide whether to go to Yellowstone or Hells Canyon. He was thinking about for a long time. Then he went to Portland.

While he was in Portland the other bridges got really jealous of losing to Golden Gate.

So they got their good friend St Helen who is a mountain with a bad temper and told her about it

She exploded with rage and sent trees flying everywhere

Even the asphalt eROADed

Andrew decided that wasn't a good place to be so he took off to Mt Rainer

And saw a waterfall

And a deer

And of course Mt Rainer

Andrew will be in hibernation for the next 2 weeks which means he will be at a camp with no phone reception or email stuff. So don't worry if you don't hear from him in a while. But do make sure you read the statistics below.

VITAL STATS

Sleeping:

Car: 12
Tent: 11
Bed: 8

Under the stars :5

Co$t per day:

Accomodation: $3
Petrol (gas): $20
Food: $10

Number of:

Showers: 5
Miles/km travelled: 4980/8014
Highest elevation: 14,496 ft
Lowest elevation: - (282) ft
One way street mistakes: 3
Visits to Taco bell: 18
Times paid for internet :0
Hours spent on internet: 50>
Times offered Weed: 3
Asked for Weed: 4
National Parks visited: 11

Hike Ratings Top 5

Wildcat Loop (Point Reyes, CA) 9.7
Mt Whitney (Sequioa National Park, CA) 9.4
Angels Landing (Zion National Park, UT) 9.2
Kaibab Trail (Grand Canyon National Park, AZ) 8.8
Half Dome (Yosemite National Park, CA) 8.4

Signing off
ANDREW