Spiritual Update 004

So many thoughts have been running around in my head in the past months that I don’t even know how to start writing about them. So much has gone on, so many experiences have been had and so many questions have been raised.

I know my faith is changing and it scares me a little, but it probably scares some of those who know me even more. Part of this has been due to a two week trip to Holden Village, a Lutheran retreat center. Here’s some things that happened there.

Holden Village

I arrived at Holden the day after the Village celebrated a gay pride festival, some of the rainbow flags still blowing in the breeze. As soon as I saw them I knew my time there was going to be a mind stretching experience. I purposely took the time to meet and talk with people about that issue in particular.

My first insight was that the culture I’m a part of and my feelings about women really affect my reading of Scripture that deals with women having roles and authority in the church. I think people at Holden deal with their reading of the passages on homosexuality in much the same way. Both our interpretations are more colored by feelings than information and the information we look at is largely to support conclusions we’ve already come to. The heart behind both these interpretations is a good one that doesn’t want these communities to be mistreated or denied things like they have in the past. It doesn’t mean either of them is right though.

I remember sitting in a rubber tube just laying there wishing I could deal with the Bible honestly and not knowing how to do so independent of my feelings, desires and other outside influences. I did some mega soul searching while I was at Holden with the whole queer issue, trying to figure out what I think and why I thought it was so important. Here are a few more things I found.

I think the reason why a lot of people are so worried (myself included) is that they lack understanding of both the issue and those who are oriented this way. All this does is create, ignorance, misunderstanding and hate. Another reason I have made such a big deal about it is that it’s something that disgusts me. That has caused me to write it off without ever looking into it. But there are a lot of things that are clearly sinful which I should be disgusted by but aren’t. Greed, materialism, gluttony, oppression. Therefore my feelings don’t really count for too much. Hopefully as I become more like Jesus, what God calls good I’ll call good and what God calls sin so will I.

I’ve also been thinking about tolerance and how the people at Holden are tolerant of the queer community but in doing so have become intolerant toward those who aren’t. It’s funny because that’s what I feel is happening with me. In becoming more tolerant toward those who are more liberal I find I’m losing patience with the more conservative people I know. It’s a shame, because I think some people feel they are becoming more tolerant when they do this. However, tolerance or grace has not increased but has just been transferred from one group of people to another. I don’t even like the word tolerance because it to me it suggests to, ‘just put up with’ rather than be involved with, to care for and meet the needs of.

Time and a Sabbath days rest.

I went to a seminar on the Sabbath and realise I don’t take this command nearly seriously enough, not even close.

We constantly keep track of it, dividing it, overfilling it, worrying about it, needing more of it, running out of it and advertising products to save it. It is both an enemy and an ally, but more often an enemy. If our computer takes more than 15 seconds to load we need a new one. If we can’t overtake someone in front of us travelling 5 under the speed limit we feel like slapping someone (at least I do). Impatience is everywhere, yet the Bible says ‘love is patient’. In the session it was suggested that time is a spiritual problem. The way we approach time is much different than those who lived before us. Its really interesting.

It’s fair enough that we don’t want to waste this life away and I think a lot of busyness in Christian circles, comes from a good heart and a desire to serve God with our time. Yet it seems that God has a slightly different idea about how we can best be using our time than some of us do. If our computer takes more than 15 seconds to load we need a new one. If we can’t overtake someone in front of us travelling 5 under the speed limit we feel like slapping someone (at least I do). Impatience is everywhere, yet the Bible says ‘love is patient’.

Heres just a few things I found interesting about taking a Sabbath days rest.

Taking a days rest gives us time to reflect on our past 6 days work, mirroring another part of the Biblical story where God does the same.

It’s not only a time to refrain from work but an opportunity to do something special. To enjoy creation, others and life. So maybe that gives me a reason to dress up for church. I’ve always hated the idea because I see it as an extension of people dressing up their hearts and pretending to be someone they’re not. I also haven’t liked the idea because those who don’t have or can’t afford nice (Sunday best) clothes may feel out of place.

The Sabbath is observed enjoy the freedom we have and to remember the freedom God gave Israel from their slavery in Egypt. Freedom to allow them to actually have a day off to rest I would imagine.

(Deuteronomy 5:12-15) "Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the LORD your God has commanded you. Six days you shall labour and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your ox, your donkey or any of your animals, nor the alien within your gates, so that your manservant and maidservant may rest, as you do. Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore the LORD your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day.

Being out in the mountains I’ve been able to relax and not be all rush, rush, deadline this, 3:30 that. Its just nice. Nice to lose track of time, nice to forget about deadlines and nice to have time to ‘be still and know that God is God’ Lee see how I go now I’m back in the real world. It really is a step of faith to obey God in this because the rest of the world is telling us to speed up, work harder and get more in. I’ve been sucked in, have you?

Old Testament stuff

Its been pretty exciting seeing the parallels, continuity and connectedness of the Old and New Testaments.

Speaking of the Old Testament I have slowly started working through it realising even more that the Bible is one big story that we are a part of. The New Testament makes absolutely no sense without it.

Even though I’m discovering these things it’s still been hard for me to slug my way through Leviticus. Some of the stuff in there seems really sexist and disgusting to me. Here’s an example.

(Leviticus 21:16-21) Then the Lord said to Moses, “Give the following instructions to Aaron: In all future generations, none of your descendants who has any defect will qualify to offer food to his God. No one who has a defect qualifies, whether he is blind, lame, disfigured, deformed, or has a broken foot or arm, or is hunchbacked or dwarfed, or has a defective eye, or skin sores or scabs, or damaged testicles. No descendant of Aaron who has a defect may approach the altar to present special gifts to the Lord. Since he has a defect, he may not approach the altar to offer food to his God.

And another

(Leviticus 27:1-8) The Lord said to Moses, “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel. If anyone makes a special vow to dedicate someone to the Lord by paying the value of that person, here is the scale of values to be used. A man between the ages of twenty and sixty is valued at fifty shekels of silver, as measured by the sanctuary shekel. A woman of that age is valued at thirty shekels of silver. A boy between the ages of five and twenty is valued at twenty shekels of silver; a girl of that age is valued at ten shekels of silver. A boy between the ages of one month and five years is valued at five shekels of silver; a girl of that age is valued at three shekels of silver. A man older than sixty is valued at fifteen shekels of silver; a woman of that age is valued at ten shekels of silver. If you desire to make such a vow but cannot afford to pay the required amount, take the person to the priest. He will determine the amount for you to pay based on what you can afford.

I recently was telling someone about the latter passage and found it weird that ‘The Lord said to Moses’ the males were worth more. He told me a genuine truth seeker wouldn’t write off the possibility that men are actually worth more than women. But even allowing that to be an option seems wrong to me; so again I come to the text with all my preconceived ideas and cultural baggage and I write it off as a valid option before even beginning any serious study.

Keeping an honest and open mind in this instance would be extremely unpopular. Do I really want the truth at all costs? I don’t know.

Those two passages make me wonder if what is attributed to God was really what was said. Has what God said been influenced by the practices and culture of the time??

A genderless God?

I remember at Y.I.T.S (Year in the Son) having the option to write an essay on the femininity of God, and I also remember turning it down because it was too hard!! Turns out it’s come back and found me as lately I’ve been forced to think about the genderlessness of God. Already straddling the fence on this topic I’ve find myself being pushed to one side through meeting some feminists who are dead against reducing God to a sex. I do think God is beyond that, even though it was weird to hear God referred to as she. It was also foreign to hear someone who gets upset when God is referred to in the masculine.

I think people confine God to a gender to make him/her more personal and to help them get a picture in their minds. Without a gender I can’t get a picture God very well at all but I don’t think God ever intended to be reduced to a mere picture.

Judgement & Money

It started with talking about how people can possibly sell or spend $20,000 on a cat, which soon turned into a talk about how anyone can justify spending a lot of money on a nice meal when there are people starving, and there is so much better stuff we can be doing with our money.

Needless to say, I was arguing against spending lots of money but after a long conversation I’ve become convinced that even if it doesn’t seem, ‘worth it to me’ to spend $50 on a meal it can be ‘worth it’ to others. To be honest, a lot of people may look at me spending thousands of dollars on this trip and think the same thing but it really has been ‘worth it’ to me. In the same way I can’t understand how someone can spend $100 on a concert, I must realise others can’t understand how I could spend $200 on a pair of hiking boots. One of my favourite quotes seems relevant again ‘Seek first to understand, then be understood’.

I realised I’ve been applying my own personal convictions to everyone else’s lives; but life is not as simple or as black and white as that. Most, if not all ethics aren’t a one-size-fits-all deal, they apply on a person to person basis . So while I can’t question the fact that it is worth it to them. I can as them ‘What makes it worth it to you?’ which is a much less judgemental position to take.

I remember playing golf with Derek and finding out he was thinking about buying an expensive guitar which I just hammered him for. It was pretty disgusting of me. There I was, telling him it wasn’t worth his money, when for him it obviously was. What I did was as stupid as trying to convince someone their ankle isn’t broken and they should get back on the field. Sorry about that Derek.

I guess this attitude spills over into other areas too. Respecting the fact that other people eat meat “because it’s worth it to them”. Realising that others are comfortable with more intimate physical contact than I would be in a relationship, etc. I hope this conversation will continue to remind me to be more graceful and seek first to understand others along with their situations and personalities.

Environment??

After getting back from this trip and seeing the things I’ve seen and doing the things I’ve done I more than anyone should be challenged to think about the environment and make earth friendly choices. I’d love for my kids to be able to see stuff like that…I guess I’ll need some kids first!!

Some thoughts on the Bible

Maybe it’s not about whether the Bible is 100% inerrant on every little detail but whether or not we can trust it. Although they don’t have a perfect track record, we can confidently put trust in our friends with a secret. In the same way I think we can trust the Bible. And we must trust that God is guiding our reading of it

I read something about the Biblical inerrancy doctrine coming about as a rebuttal to the idea of the inerrancy of the pope. Although having been accurate so many times before in many different areas the Bible gets the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.

I guess now I don’t see the proven otherwise as such a big deal. A while back I think if any one thing in the Bible was not completely accurate my faith would’ve fallen apart. One example in the Bible I have never found a good answer to is when God says ‘Man shall no longer live more than 120 years’ yet there is record in the Bible and even today of people whose lives lasted longer.

Vespers (Services at Holden)

I struggled singing the hymns in tune and even with following the song. I struggled with knowing when to stand and sit. Having no idea when they’d come up I missed several congregational responses, the others I missed because I didn’t know the words. I was a D+ Lutheran at best.

I still did love a lot about the services at Holden. There were a lot of traditions and different expressions of worship that I don’t usually experience in the churches I go to.

I loved how they light candles and pray

I loved the words to some of the hymns out of the hymn book. I still need Will Chiles to find the lyrics to 578 for me, maybe its 587. Thanks Will!!

I loved singing prayers while thinking about my friends. “Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy”.

I loved how after a Bible passage was read the reader would say ‘word of God, word of life’ and then the congregation would say ‘thanks be to God’ although I did catch myself after only a few days just saying it without meaning it or even thinking about it which is the trouble with tradition. It can easily become meaningless repetition. But then the flip side which I have been on is always coming up with new ways to say something to God, constantly reinventing the wheel.

Singing songs another person has written can be a humbling thing as by singing them in some way I’m admitting that someone else has already said it better than I ever could. I feel like that with the psalms sometimes but I guess the trouble is that not every song that gets sung resounds with my experience of God.

Speaking of praising God I feel like I have found a really good reason to speak in tongues. So many people I have met that do just freak me out and I’d never want to be like them. But on this trip I have felt like thanking God and just couldn’t because I knew words just weren’t enough, how could they be. That is when I’ve felt like speaking in tongues would be useful for me.

Well that’s about it. Lately I’ve done a lot of things that I am terrible at. Golf, climbing and ice skating. Its interesting going from being skilled to being a complete unco without a clue. I don’t think I’ve learned anything from it yet but it’s interesting to make the transition from expert to newbie, teacher to learner.

Righteo, on the flip side.